Oh For Grace, To Trust Him More...

Saturday, September 4, 2010

So it's been awhile.
I guess I would say I have been avoiding writing, not really sure why, just been a lot on my mind, and not even sure I know how to put everything into words... so I haven't even attempted it.

I realize more and more everyday how much life is always changing.
Every time you get used to something, and its comfortable. It changes.
Comfort is almost something I find myself wanting to avoid for fear that that the second I feel that, it will be taken away. While this isn't always the case, I have learned and am learning some very valuable lessons through this season of my life.

I've written about it some, but I'm not sure words could even express the conviction and the heaviness I have felt in my heart when the Lord has asked me multiple times and in multiple ways-
"Do you trust me?!"

I wish I could tell you I have everything together.
I wish I could tell you the answer to that question was a positive "Yes, Lord. I trust you"
I wish I could write and be extremely happy and excited about everything in life right now.
But that's not real for me at this present time.

However, I am blessed beyond measure.
I have everything to be thankful for.
I have opportunities in front of me that are a once in a lifetime chance.
Regardless of how much I feel safe, or comfortable, or a lack there of,
God is never concerned about my comfort as much as He is my character.

The more I learn to sit back, LET GO, and truly TRUST in him,
the more I find joy, and most importantly peace
in everything going on in my life.
Even though it may not always be everything I want.

I want to learn to Trust God.
Completely. No hesitation. No questions asked.
Even when things aren't my way.
When nothing makes sense.
When I feel like I just wanna cry because everything in life feels outta control.
When I hurt so bad inside, I can't even express my feelings.
When lettings go is what has to be done.
When surrendering my will is a daily struggle.
When there's chaos around me.
When I'm around 600 people but feel alone.
When my plans are changed.
In everything.

This verse has been on my mind and heart for the last few weeks
and I will continue to meditate on it's words.

"The lord our God is with you; He is mighty to save. The Lord will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."

Zeph. 3:17

The Lord promises to never leave us nor forsake us, and when everything else is changing around us, He is the same.

Lord. Help me to Trust you.

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