Be Near Me I Pray

Saturday, September 10, 2011

"I've called your name. You're mine. 
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end. I paid a huge price for you." 
Isaiah 43- the msg
This has been stirring in my heart for a few months.
I've avoided it for fear that it will not come out as well as I planned.
But I can't get away from it.
So I will trust the Lord with the words.
I enjoy listening to piano music. I do it a lot when I'm alone. 
One of my favorite instrumental tracks is 'Breath of Heaven'
While I usually only hear this around Christmas time, I never knew the words to this song.
One day, I was curious and I looked them up.
Ever since that day, this blog has been stirring in my heart and mind. 
My attention was captured when I read these lines:
"I am waiting in a silent prayer, I am frightened by the load I bear. 
In a world as cold as stone, must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now. Be with me now. 

Do you wonder as you watch my face, 
If a wiser one should have had my place?
But I offer all I am, for the mercy of Your plan.
Help me be strong."
This song was written as the cry of the Virgin Mary's heart. What a scary time for her this must have been. What a heavy load to bear knowing that she was carrying the Son of God. Even someone as incredible as Mary, who was chosen to carry God's son questioned why she was chosen, if she was good enough, and had fears of her own. 
Somewhere along this journey I think we have made it so that being scared, having fear, and being 'real' about how we really are feeling to be something that is wrong or represents weakness. When I searched more into Mary's journey and began to think about the path that she walked, I found this song and the words that were put together so well as the cry of her heart, to be beautiful. 

There is beauty in brokenness. 

While the world may not see it this way, I have learned this to be evident in my own life.
I admire Mary for her honesty, her genuine heart, and for her willingness to carry a load that seemed unbearable at times because that was what the Lord had for her and it was for His plan. 

"Breath of Heaven, Hold me together. Be forever near, Breath of Heaven." 

The sweetest part of her prayer. 
 Rest. Wholeness. Comfort. Peace. Assurance. 
All is found in the One who sent her on the journey.
This is true for each one of us.
I don't know where you find yourself right now. Maybe at the mountain top and thanking God for all the great things going on in your life. Maybe you're in the valley wondering when you will see the light, you're questioning everything, wondering if what you've believed all along is even real. Waiting, for anything, something, to change. Or possibly like me, you know truth in Your heart, but you question the path your on. You question what's next, if you're good enough, you wonder how the Lord is going to use you. 

The road ahead can be scary. It's tiring. It can be heavy.

But there is hope.
In the times of the unknown, rest in the arms of our Heavenly Father.
Lord, breath life into my weary heart.
Be near me. 
You are NOT alone.
I pray that wherever you're at, that like me, you will believe in more than just what you can see at this moment, and that you will hold on. In the unknown, in the dark nights, in the moments of uncertainty, that we may grow to trust the Lord with each step we take. 
To believe in something that is stronger than we are. To believe in the unfailing, unconditional love that died to set us free. To believe in saving grace no matter where we are at. To be real, even during hard times. To be transparent. To be totally surrendered. To rest in His arms. To take Jesus at His word. 

"Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you." 
Psalm 55:22

Little Things Can Change A lot

Thursday, September 8, 2011

"I am fearfully and wonderfully made..."
Who knew that the tiny hands of an 8 year old little girl would change my life.
Today started like a normal clinical today but little did I know I would meet an angel that was would change my life. It's easy to get caught up in routines, and trying to get everything done on a normal day of clinical making sure everything is done correctly and that all the paper work is done. Today was different. While all of my work still got completed, I had the chance today to slow down, just for an hour.
I wish you could meet her. She's tiny, she's eight years old, she has a beautiful smile and a sweet giggle. She's brave, she's a fighter, she's a hero. This sweet girl has Cystic Fibrosis. This disease is chronic and causes respiratory problems that can end up affecting every other body system. She'll be lucky and one of few if she makes it to 30 years of age. This causes her to be in and out of the hospital for weeks at a time every 3 months. Hospitals are another home for her. 

None of this phases her. 

I had the chance to spend an hour with her. The best hour of time I have spent in awhile.
We played play-doh. We talked about High School Musical. We talked about her favorite movies. We agreed that homework at 8 years old & homework at 22 years old is NEVER fun. We laughed. I taught her a few things about her care, but she taught me even more.

A child who has every reason in the world to wonder why it's happening to her, to be upset, angry, selfish, nothing like this. 
The entire hour was spent fixing a play-doh color frame that we decided would be a GREAT idea to give to her grandfather for his birthday. We knew exactly where to hide it to when he came to visit. 

It's the little things.
It was her tiny hands fixing the play-doh so carefully into that Tinkerbell frame to give to her grandpa, that made me stop and think.

She changed my life today. 
I am blessed and take it for granted. I  am selfish. I don't have near the courage this little girl has, and the joy she has for living is contagious. Even if it was only for an hour, I decided in that moment that I wanted to care, even if only for an hour about the things that were important to her.
I loved working with her and being a part of her care.

Maybe working with kids is a possibility for my nursing career. I wish time could slow down enough to spend time with each one like I did this special girl today.
I felt passionate about what I did today. 
Her smiles and giggles made my day.
While life has it's way of being unfair, it also has a way of changing people.
I was sent there today to care and help this little girl. 
Today, she helped me.

While I may never see her again, I am going to be praying for her and her family. 
I thank God for the sweet little 8 year old angel I met today.
She brought perspective to my mind and showed me where my heart is.

Come to My Rescue

Friday, September 2, 2011

"I need you Jesus to Come to My Rescue, Where else Can I Go?"

This time 4 years ago I feel like I was in this same place, but different.
What am I talking about?!
Let me tell you.

4 years ago this time, I was starting a new chapter of my life that didn't really seem to make sense. While it was exciting on some ends, and supposed to be the 'time of my life' I felt lost, confused, searching, wondering when it would feel like I was in the right place. I feel like I am in this place again except in a little different way. Life is constantly changing and while I am not always the biggest fan of change, I have learned that you can't stop it from happening so it's best to embrace it.

I am beginning to wonder when this time of my life will feel like it's where I am supposed to be, but I am not ever sure it will. This is a transitional year no doubt as I am no longer living on campus, not singing on PR and really school is about all that I am super committed to at this time.  
What's ahead is uncertain. It's scary. I have anxiety often just thinking about it.
As I have said before this is not what we are supposed to do, worrying that... however I am human and have to remind myself daily who holds my tomorrow. 

I wrote this blog to remind myself of a sweet moment that happened 4 years ago, as well as this past week. Hillsong has a song titled Rescue. This was the cry of my heart 4 years ago and I can remember my thoughts in the quietness of those moments when we would sing this in chapel, and this past week at church and kairos it was sung. I was brought back to that moment but also there in the present time as I feel that this is the cry of my heart now. I have no idea where I'm going and what I'm doing. I want to be in the center of God's will and I trust whole heatedly that He will continue to lead and guide me. 
some moments in the day though I just like to think that I am being rescued, that the Creator of the Universe is holding me, ME, in the palm of his hand. 

I want that security. I need that safety and peace. 

I need you Lord. 

What do you need to be rescued from?
Powered by Blogger.
Theme Designed By Hello Manhattan

Your copyright

Your own copyright