What Really Matters Anyways?

Friday, January 30, 2015

Busy schedules. Endless clinical hours. 


Tuesday, January 6, 2015

When life slows down from its normal fast pace, and when the everyday coming and going changes, "normal" doesn't really seem to exist. A break from school alone, can change the meaning of "normal" in my life. But so much more has changed in my life in the last month. 
From a fiancĂ© to a wife. A different house. A different car. A different computer. A different schedule. A different routine. 
A new normal.
For a girl who doesn't do change well, this has been a challenge. All positive changes and all great things, but still an adjustment.
I think I've understood the meaning of major adjustments in the past but this by far tops the list.
I guess the difference in my life this time, is what I choose to focus on.
While adjustments are never easy, even though they are all positive things,
I have a choice to make when I feel like nothing in my life feels normal, routine, or comfortable in that I know what to expect.
It's been such a learning time, and a growing process, and really it's only the beginning.
I'm one week away from beginning a new clinical rotation in a speciality I know nothing about.
I am nervous and excited to begin my last semester of graduate school, but in the back of my mind I realize just how close another change is approaching. 
Again its all positive.
But where is my focus?
My focus is on the one thing in my life that doesn't change.
My heavenly Father.
For the first time in my life, I'm doing everything I can to live in the moment instead of always being steps ahead of everyone else.
As much as I wish things away at times when they are not easy, this is a process and something I know I have to let take it's sweet time.
I pray it changes and molds me into a stronger, wiser, more understanding and patient person.
I pray it pushes me to draw closer to the One who created this heart that so longs for consistency and pushes against change.
I wish I knew how long this will take.
I wish I knew how I was going to feel each step of the way but that's the beauty of this process.
I hope to have many more journals and writings about this beautiful process into this new and exciting season of my life.
I have been given so much and I am so incredibly blessed.
Being pushed out of my comfort zone has made me appreciate things I haven't appreciated like I should in awhile and if anything, it has opened my eyes more so than ever to God's grace that is just enough for each day. 
There's beauty in the change. 
During the midst of what feels like a long winter season- life, beauty and newness is being born in it all, and I am thankful for this process. 
It's a season like I've never experienced before and in my humanness I struggle with control but I am grateful that at the end of the day, I do not have control.
In the midst of change, uncertainty, and newness, I'm experiencing peace.
That's what it's all about.
The process.
And being changed through it.

2014 It's Been Quite a Year

Thursday, January 1, 2015

It would be hard to sum up this past year in a few paragraphs, or pages. It has been a year of ups and downs, a whirlwind of change, and a lot of growing.

This past year, I have completed another year of graduate school and I am now just one semester away from being finished. It almost seems too good to be true, but this is the home stretch. I'm praying and have been praying that the Lord would put me in the right place and that He would go before me and begin to me prepare me for whatever and wherever my first job as a Nurse Practitioner is going to be.

This year included a trip to Nashville to watch our friend get married and lead right into a busy summer school semester and not many days for the sun and beach. August came quickly and included a shoulder surgery for me and then a family vacation to The Smokey Mountains. Unfortunately during our vacation our family received bad news that my Grandfather suddenly passed away. I have to say, this was one of the hardest things I have experienced this year, and there are still days where I can't believe this happened. 

The Fall semester flew by and included lots of meetings and planning for the wedding, and tons of time studying, going to clinical, and writing my Master's paper. What a relief it was to finish this semester with A's. 

December arrived quicker than I ever believed it would, and after finishing school on the 6th, I had one week to get ready for our Big Day. This included moving my stuff, organizing our house, getting last minute things done, and wondering what life would be like as a married woman. 

Our day was perfect. I can't wait to write a blog just about this day. I really felt like I got to take in every moment even though it felt like an out of body experience. It went by so quickly but I wouldn't have changed a thing. We were so overwhelmed by all the love and support we received that day and I can honestly say it was the happiest day of my life. 
(Insert wedding photos here. Can't wait to get the rest! ) 

It has truly been an incredible year and the Lord has done so much in my life. We have been so blessed and the Lord has been faithful to us. He has provided for us in ways where I know it is only because of Him that we have all that we do. While at times it felt like things weren't going to work out, just in time, He came through and as hard as this was to walk through in certain situations, it built that much more trust and faith in my walk with the Lord.

As we are entering a New Year I have spent time thinking about what I want to get out of this year. I can honestly say I do have some personal goals I would like to achieve but most importantly it is my prayer that Andrew and I would continue to grow as individuals and together as we hope to find all that God has for us this year. 

I realize I need certain things in my life and there are areas where I need to improve. A few thoughts for this new year. 

  1. I want to spend more time doing life with those I care about and engaging in real relationships instead of relying solely on social media and my phone (I am so guilty.)
  2. I want to read the Bible all the way through this year. 
  3. I want to trust more and worry less.
  4. I want to spend more time taking care for myself so that I can be a better person for those around me.
  5. I want to document more of what goes on this year through pictures and words so I won't ever forget what our first year of marriage was like.
  6. I want to laugh more and be more spontaneous. I love my planner but I realize at times my plans control me.
  7. I want to be brave enough to do and be all God asks me to do in this next year.
  8. I want to have people over at our house to enjoy being waited on. We finally have the opportunity to do this and after all the meals we have been fed in other people's homes, its exciting that it's our turn.
  9. I want to write more hand written cards to people in my life just to say I care.
  10. I want to spend more time living in the present moment instead of always being ahead of everyone else. 
  11. I want to spend more time praying for other people in my life, including people I struggle to love.
While I realize I have set some hard goals for this next year, I have always been driven my challenges and it is my prayer that I will grow in this next year in ways I never have. 

In the midst of tons of change right now, I am finding that even though nothing in my life feels "normal" right now, I am in the process of creating a new routine and a new normal and in all of it, I am more aware of the Lord's presence and His longing for my attention and reliance on Him. 

New beginnings are always exciting, refreshing, and full of unknowns. I cannot wait to see what this year holds. 

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