"One thing I know that I have found, through all the trials that surround;
You are the rock that never fails, you never fail.
One thing I know that I believe, through every blessing I receive,
You are the only one that stays, you always stay."
I sing this song almost every weekend. Sometimes multiple times.
Nothing happens by coincidence. So maybe this song 'sounded'
like something that I would sing, but it was not an accident that
this is the song Mel chose for me to sing.
No matter how many times I sing these same lines, it feels like it's
the first time I have sang the song. I guess when I first heard it,
I was so distracted by the notes, the melody, and how it was gonna
play out, that I never payed any attention to the words...
One night, I was in my room listening to the recording of this playing...
and those lines caught my ear, like I had never heard or sang them.
It's funny, because ever since then, I can't help but think so deep into
everything that those words mean for me. It's almost like when I sing this song
there's another story going on in my head, playing scenes of my life, and places
I've been where I had no idea how I would ever make it through the valley,
or how I would ever learn to love myself, or how I would ever just "feel" better.
Those moments now, looking back, I can see God's hand in every action,
every hurt, every scar, and now somehow, a beauty that only he could bring
to the things in my life that so entangled and destroyed me.
I guess my favorite line of the entire song is "you are the only one that stays."
Every time I sing this, I can't help but get teary-eyed because it is such truth.
I guess for me people walking out, is a huge fear of mine, and although
I've been promised before, we are only human and I have been let down, hurt,
and left to fear that happening over and over...but no matter how many times I have
messed up, fallen back on my word, made stupid choices, chosen other things first,
back stabbed, lied, and everything else that we as humans do...God has never left me.
The reason I put the picture of the beach on here is because, this is not only my favorite place to go at home, but every time I'm there, I'm reminded of how big God is, and how much he doesn't need me...but that he wants me- Regardless of my past, my mistakes, my doubts, hangups, insecurities, fears, scars, and everything that is in the future....I never thought I was worthy of that. This is love. Real, unconditional, love.
"I will never leave you nor forsake you."
I cannot believe it is almost March. Where in the world has the time gone?
After Christmas and New Years, and basically- back to reality...I have not stopped.
School has been consuming most of my life as I finally started clinical this semester. I just finished my second week with my own patient...and boy has it been interesting. Now all those times that I remember asking my Mom, 'what is a care plan?' I wish I didn't know now :) It has been a lot of fun learning to do hands on things, and then implementing them each week as we learn something else. It makes all the work worth it when you actually get to do and practice these skills in real life.
I feel like a nerd, but I love my pathophysiology class. I could sit and listen in that lecture class for hours. It helps to have such a great teacher, but everything is finally starting to make sense, and that is a gooooood feeling.
Outside of school work, I don't have much time for anything else, but PR has also been crazy. Since we've been back, we have had one weekend off. It has been a lot of fun traveling to South Caroline twice, a few places around here, Memphis to Brittany's home town, and then to Alabama where we felt extremely welcome by their teens. Although our "family" has it's moments of getting on each others' nerves, it has been a blast traveling with this group.
Totally off subject, but I have never been more sick of cold weather-snow-ice- lets cancel things for no reason- as I am right now....It snowed even today. I am ready for WARM BEACH weather again :) Yay for Florida.
It's about a week and a few days away from Spring Break...Needless to say, I am ready to relax for a little bit, and catch my breath before everything picks right back up.
On a more serious note
....I've been praying/thinking a lot about next year and where God is taking me. I've been thinking back on where I've come from, who I used to be(I am thankful for the hard times, but would never wanna go back), and all the great things God has been doing in my life now....It's funny, when you're in a situation, wondering and waiting to see what's going to happen, and sometimes not understanding the reasoning behind it....down the road- it all makes sense. I guess right now the struggle for me is deciding if PR is the right thing for me to do next year or not....
It's detailed, but school is a lot, and next semester is my hardest. I realize school comes before anything, but I also realize that my heart and passion for singing is something that will be hard for me to just forget about...not that I can't be used somewhere else....but I love PR.
I was reminded the other day as someone joked around about me being "scrawny" now that I don't play ball anymore, how hard it was for me not to play anymore...there are still days when I miss playing, and I wonder what would happen if I was still playing....but God knew where I was at in my life, and he brought me to Nashville. Everything for music and nursing opened up and both of these things I have enjoyed so much.
So I guess I worry for nothing. Story of my life. But, If you are reading this, pray for guidance, and acceptance to whatever it is that God is calling me to next year. I have SO many things to be thankful for, and sometimes I get too busy to just sit down and think about how Good God has been to me.....
Well it's time to go to bed, and start the race all over again tomorrow :) hopefully it won't be almost two months before I blog again!!!
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