Just Breathe

Monday, February 27, 2012

It seems as though everything is going 1000 miles an hour right now.
I find myself wondering how everything is going to get done.
Tired seems to be my constant state of mind right now.
All of that to say real "rest" is hard to get these days.
I've found myself feeling weary, anxious at times, inadequate, unappreciated, searching, pressing harder to get things done to do more, pushing myself to just keep going....
While life cannot completely stop
I took some time today to just pause. to breathe. to relax. 
The fresh air, the beautiful sunshine, the Word, and some worship music. 
It's here that I've found a few minutes of true rest.

The warm air today and the sweet reminder that spring is just around the corner was refreshing.

I meditated on the Lord's promises.
I sat in His presence. 
Believing that HE is able.
That He is going before me and preparing what's ahead of me.
and that He loves me.

I needed to be reminded today of who I am in Christ.
I am loved. appreciated. beautiful. and valuable. 

I don't know where you find yourself today, but be encouraged. Real rest can be found only in Him. Remember who He has created you to be and that in His eyes you are valuable, loved, and precious. 

None can compare to our identity in the One who created us. 

"Be Still and know that I am God."
Psalm 46:10

The Simple Truths

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

It's the simple truths right now that keep me hanging on.
The little things that I do know that keeps me from going what I feel is almost insane at times.
Fear is not apart of who I was called to be.
This has become a daily struggle for me. 
Moment by Moment.
Choosing to believe in God's promises to me and to tell Satan he has no place. 

Yesterday I had a day where I felt the entire day was a struggle to not worry.
As I rode to school in the car from counseling, I began to tell the Lord what I was thinking
and feeling. As I just simply cried out "please just be here in this moment with me right now,"
the song - Tis so Sweet to Trust in Jesus began to play. 

I began thinking of the line "just to take him at His words...just to rest upon His promise..."
I started to think of everything that would mean for me. 
Right in that moment.

I spent last night pouring out my heart to Andrew. I just began to say all the fears that I had, how I was feeling and as he began to share with me how he understood where I was at and  he gently spoke truth to me. 
I can't remember all that was said to me but in those few moments that he quoted scripture to me, reminding me that God has a plan for me and telling me all of the things that I do know right now in this moment and the things I can be confident in. 
I felt peace.

I was so thankful for the words of encouragement, the gentle reminder of truth, and the unconditional love that Andrew has shown me. He truly is such a blessing and more than I could have ever asked for. 

As I am preparing to speak for a group of students on Monday about fear, I want to be transparent but I want to practice what I am going to be telling them.

Andrew challenged me to ask big. 
I've been asking the Lord multiple times throughout my day to take the fear and worry away and it's my desire to live and rest in His peace. 

We have been commanded
Do not Fear. 

It's a work in progress, but I am thankful for God's presence and power to speak into my life.

Confidence in the Unknown

Thursday, February 16, 2012

I feel like the only way I answer questions lately is with the response: "I don't know."
It gets old to say the least.
I realize that people ask me questions about what's next for me just out of pure care and interest in my life and while I appreciate that and am so thankful to have so many people that care about me, I noticed myself being overwhelmed in my mind at the end of the day thinking about how many times one day held the answer
"I don't know."

In recent blogs I have shared of my concern for what's next, and I realize that in praying for God's direction that means there will come a time when doors need to close.
This past week, a door closed in my face. 
Faster than I ever thought it would.
For those of you who know, and for those who didn't know, I applied for the Nurse Residency Program at Vanderbilt for Pediatrics, and this past week I got a letter that said I would not be receiving an interview. 
That simple. 

After dealing with my initial feelings of disappointment, feeling inadequate, and wondering what's next, I realized that God answered one of my prayers. In asking for His direction and asking for it to be clear, it was made clear that this path was not for me.
Humbling no doubt.

In the midst of what feels barren, unknown, quiet all around with no set plans or answers, and yet a raging war within my mind that is rarely silent, I know that the Lord has a plan and in His perfect timing it will all be revealed. 

For every time right now I answer a question with an unsure response, no matter what looks I get, often times puzzled faces at the fact that I don't have answer, I can smile because I'm confident in the unknown.

Jeremiah 29:11
 "I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."
The msg

Anxiously Waiting

Monday, February 13, 2012

It's always exciting when someone is going to have a baby, it truly is a miracle but this time it was different.
At least for me.
Let me explain.
Really good friends of mine, who I claim as family, have quite an interesting story.
I have admired them so much growing up and the older I have gotten the more I realize that what they have between themselves and in their marriage is something I envy and have wanted for myself someday.
I have been blessed to know both of them pretty well and I consider it a blessing to have been a part of their journey.
In watching them for years be the best Aunty and Uncle there is, and seeing the ease at which they love to be around kids, and to see Justin be so gentle with his nieces, it is evident that they would be incredible parents. 
Seems perfect on the outside, but in knowing their journey to get pregnant and watching both of them pray for their own child for so long, and it not ever seem to happen, even from the outside hurts.
I watched Adreana take it all wish such grace. I tell her often I have no idea how she did what she did. 
I often times would find myself praying for them.
It never made sense.  
But that's just it.
God's timing is perfect.
 He hears and knows the desires of our hearts.
God is faithful.

That's what this little guy has taught me.

Meet my sweet nephew Griffin.

He's here, and He's perfect. 
I finally got to meet him when I went home this past weekend and what seemed impossible and so long awaited was in my arms.
I am beyond thrilled for Justin and Adreana and it is finally their time to do and be what God has called them to, a big responsibility no doubt, but the joy in their eyes just makes me so happy.

As I left their house with nothing but a smile on my face after holding that sweet baby, I couldn't help but thank God for His faithfulness and I am reminded that His timing is perfect and that He truly knows the desires of our hearts. 

I pray that as this little guy grows up that I will be a model of this for him. He is only a month old, but his entrance into this big world has taught me so much. I love him so much already.

Of course I had to put up a few more of my favorite photos

He's adorable.

Love this little guy.

We've been waiting for you :)
To Justin and Adreana - Once again, Congratulations. He's beautiful and thank you so much for letting me be a part of everything. I am so blessed! I look forward to being a big part of Griffin's life.
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