He's Been Faithful To Me

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

"When my strength was all gone, when my heart had no song, still in love He's proved faithful to me. Every word He's promised is true, what I thought was impossible I've seen my God do. He's been faithful, faithful to me, looking back His love and mercy I see. Though in my heart I have questioned, even failed to believe, yet He's been faithful to me."

It's that time of year where everything is wrapping up, school work seems endless, schedules are crazy, the sun is finally shining but I have so much to do I can't enjoy it like I wish I could, and I just really feel like I can never catch your breath.
Finals are just around the corner, and graduation is only 22 days away. While everyone keeps asking me "aren't you excited about graduation?" I continue to smile and say, I wish I was graduating but I still have another year left because I transferred in and I had to spend 4 years at TNU to complete the nursing program.
It's kinda become the routine answer for me. I smile, laugh it off, and smile as people joke, and go on like it's not a big deal.... in the last week, I have probably cried every night thinking this was supposed to be the year I do graduate but I am not.
I'm not writing this for anyone to feel sorry for me, but I want to share how God is continually working on me through this season of my life.

I'd be lying to you if I said I wasn't disappointed that I'm not 3 weeks from graduation, or that I don't feel extremely left out with certain things right now, knowing that it will probably get worse as festivities are coming up for graduating seniors. My family will not be coming up here in a few weeks to watch me get my diploma and I will keep pressing on and continue through another year of school.

It's overwhelming at times when I think about it, but the other day I just needed time to stop and think about all I have gotten to do in the last 4 years. I have no idea why I ended up at Southeastern my Freshman year of college, how I got the opportunity to play ball for a year, and then how I ended up here in Nashville for the past 3 years with the experience to do PR for the 3 years as well.
It has been an absolute blast!
I have grown so much in the last 3 years and God has been faithful to me this entire journey.

While thinking of another year is overwhelming and I feel like I am never going to reach my goal, there is light at the end of the tunnel and I have to be patient and finish the race I've started.

The other night at Kairos, the song Rescue was playing. I have mentioned it before, but this song was one I fell in love with my Freshman year of college and it truly was the cry of my heart as I had no idea why God had placed me there and I felt lost, confused, and just really seeking his direction for my life during that time. I had no idea what was ahead of me and I had no idea by being there for a whole year that I would grow like I did and that everything was being set up for me here in Nashville as I needed that year to prepare to move far away from home etc. As I was singing this song, I could remember that place I was at and in a weird way, it felt like I was right in that place again. While I am not unhappy where I am at by any means, I have been questioning why things happened this way and wondering what God has for me in this next year of my life as I am preparing to finish Nursing school and go into the real world which will be a lot of changes at once.

While I don't have any answers and some days I still feel like maybe somewhere I went wrong, I realize that God has been faithful this entire time and He will continue to do so for me not only through the next year, but for the rest of my life.

I want to experience the joy in this season of my life and learn to appreciate these moments even though there are days when I wish I was at another place in life.
I may not know what tomorrow holds and all that is going to be involved in the next turn and change of seasons, but I am confident in a God who has been faithful to me throughout my walk, and I am blessed beyond measure.
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