Looking Back & Expecting the Best

Saturday, December 31, 2011

It's always around the time of the New Year that we sit and think about all the things we want to accomplish in the next year, the habits we want to create, the old ways we want to get rid of, and the new adventures we plan to take. I'm not sure how many of them actually happen, but sometimes making a list of new things to accomplish feels good (especially for list people like me.) 
Instead of creating a list of things I want to do this next year, I found myself looking back over the past year and seeing where I've been, and looking ahead at where I'm going.
I've said it many times in my last posts, but I truly feel like this has been one of the best years of my life. So many things have changed and I have been given more than I ever deserve.

I got this idea from my best friend who is NEWLY ENGAGED (Congratulations!!!)-Mary. She's an amazing person, with crafty ideas all the time, an eye for photography, and a heart for the Lord, so if you like anything of mine, you will love her blog, check it out! Lily White 

 Saying goodbye
In 2011...
-I finished my EverPraise career 
-I moved off campus into my own apartment
-I started my final year of college
-I fell in love with my best friend who happens to be the man of my dreams
-I let go of some things in my past and feel like the Lord truly has over flowed my heart and life with his grace and blessings
-I gave some of my writing to a professional publishing company and got a Yes to publish my stuff (this is still a work in progress I am seeking the direction God wants me to go)- this one is on hold for now
-I helped deliver 2 babies in my clinical rotation and it by far was the coolest thing I've ever been a part of
-I got a camera and have enjoyed investing more time into my blog and writing
-I applied for my first big girl job
March 4th, 2011
Welcoming the New
What I know of 2012...
-I will graduate with my BSN on May 5th!
-I will get my first big girl job 
- I will be making some kind of move I just don't know to where 
-I am excited to continue to allow God to write my Love Story with Andrew, as I have been more than blessed to have him in my life 
-I will trust God to work out all the details and plans that I am unaware of right now, may my faith grow stronger each day of this journey

December 26th, 2011
I chose my words "What I know" wisely, as I feel this next year is one full of unknowns. It is not the easiest place for me to be in, as it is uncomfortable for me not to know details or have plans, but all the more reason that I know the year 2012 will be a year that my faith will grow as I will continue to trust the Lord with each step of my journey. He has a plan for me just as He does each of you, and I pray that I will be sensitive to His voice in leading as this next year is going to be another transitional year for me.

 I pray this year is one of the best yet- spiritually, relationally, and personally. I have been given so many things and I cannot thank God enough for where He has brought me.
What does God want to do in Your life this year?

Happy New Years Everyone!

Our Orlando Adventure

Christmas came and went and we were all gearing up to go to Universal for the next two days. All of the Reismiller's family, as well as my parents and Andrew packed our bags and set out on our adventure to Universal. We got there, among the thousands, and spent our first day at Islands of Adventure. The lines were somewhat long, but the company made it go quickly. I felt like a little girl riding my favorite ride (okay so one time when I was about 10 or 11 I rode the Cat in the Hat ride probably 20 times in one day) 
Sweet Memories :)               

 I finally made it to the World of Harry Potter (I've only wanted to go since this past summer, but it was much awaited). Waiting in line for the ride was long, but totally worth it. It was all done so well, the buildings were just like Hogwarts, and I really enjoyed looking at everything, it was just like the movies.
Butterbeer :)
I loved this shot! It was awesome

So glad he got to enjoy this day with me

We enjoyed the rest of our day at the park, but unfortunately I had to make things interesting. Ha, by the end of the evening around 5 o'clock, I ended up with an incredibly sore throat and running a fever of 101. By 7 pm we were at a walk in clinic and I got a bunch of meds and made my way to the hotel and into bed. We weren't sure I was going to be up for the next day, but thank God for good doctors, medicine, and caring parents and a loving boyfriend. We made it to Universal Studios the next day and I almost enjoyed the second day more, as I felt better. I had such a good time with my parents & Andrew at the parts just enjoying their company, the fun of the parks, and time away from everything else. For those of you who don't know, I was scheduled to have another knee surgery on December 28th, cleaning up some tissue and fluid, but due to my strep & pharyngitis, this got cancelled. Not quite sure when this will be rescheduled, probably after graduation (not what I would have planned), but regardless, it could be ten times worse and I am thankful I am feeling better and I'm sure there's a reason my surgery didn't happen this past week. 
Andrew took these pictures and I loved them
I just thought this one was cool. The weather was awesome for us both days. Again, taken my Andrew :)

It was a few days, but full of memories :) This wasn't a bad wrap up to the year 2011.

Christmas Time is Here

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Christmas got here so fast this year!! I cannot believe it is here and gone, but it was a great Christmas this year, even though many things about it were different. My parents and I opened our gifts and had Christmas dinner on Christmas eve. Dad made pancakes early on Christmas morning before we went to church (we HAD to keep tradition). Andrew surprised me and showed up to take me to church on Christmas morning and there we shared in a wonderful service celebrating the real reason for the season. It felt odd being at church on Christmas, but the more I thought about it the more I realized how easy it is to forget the true meaning for the Christmas season. As much as I don't like change, I'm thankful for the change of pace this Christmas, and for the wonderful service and celebration we had Christmas morning. 
Here's some pictures (with my new camera!!) from our Christmas dinner at the Reismiller's house on Christmas Eve.
I just loved this picture

Christmas Eve 2011

Games with 14 people always make for an interesting time

No bake cookies are one of mom's best

Like I said, Christmas day was special even though it didn't "feel" like Christmas, it was nice to enjoy it with those that I love the most! 
Andrew and I spent our first "official" Christmas together since we've been dating and it meant a lot that he surprised me and came to hear me sing Christmas morning! He is wonderful and I was so thankful he could spend that time with me and my parents. 
Christmas Day! I love this boy! 

Christmas night ended with my Mom and I going to see "We bought a zoo" and no I didn't find myself crying 3 times during the movie (cough, cough). It really was a great movie. We came back home, made sandwiches, hung out, & enjoyed a lazy evening before our adventure to Orlando the next two days (There's another post coming soon to continue my Christmas adventure).
But all of that to say, I had a wonderful Christmas this year, and I really felt like more than any other year, we truly focused on the reason for the season.
I'm thankful for the baby that was born that eventually would save us all! 

O Come let us Adore Him!

Did you celebrate the true meaning of the Christmas season? 


A Season Like No Other

Sunday, December 18, 2011

"And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."
Isaiah 9:6
 It's been a different kind of week for me. Coming home to a world that is going 5000 miles an hour and I am not having to study or prepare for anything, it's been interesting. It's been an exhausting few days for many people around here to say the least, but in the midst of what might seem like a time of tragedy, which it has been no doubt for our church family, there has been something different I've seen in so many people the last few days. 



Kelly Bortel's funeral was Saturday. This was a hard day for many. As I sat in the back watching people from all roads of life, I noticed something this day in Kim that really spoke to me. While she is in the midst of some of the hardest days of her life, as she just lost her son, she has a peace about her that only God can bring. I've watched her be calm in the midst of a storm and I can truly say the Lord was present at the ceremony and I felt challenged by the words given to us. 
This week also held a few fun celebrations and the beginning of what seems to be a gazillion Christmas dinners. I think Mom said we have a dinner planned every night this week...I think I just gained 15 lbs thinking about all of it. I got to spend time with the ladies of the church at their progressive dinner and towards the end during a time of sharing and prayer, again I just sensed such a peace. 
It's been nice to be home, even though it's been busy. I have felt such a calm in my spirit that is so refreshing. I told my Mom today, I often feel really sad during this time of year and I am sure most of it reminds me of my grandmother dying, as it was only 2 days after Christmas. This season means so many different things for so many people. Things that make us really happy, gatherings with loved ones, and yet moments where it can be extremely difficult all depending on what this season of life means for you. I am thankful for so many things this year and I feel cheesy being so nostalgic but like I said in my previous post I truly do have so many things to be thankful for. I told someone a bit of my story tonight and I marvel at God's faithfulness and His healing as I am continually experiencing His peace and I am not in enslaved by anxiety. 

I'm praying that as this next week is here and will shortly be gone, that I will not miss anything the Lord might want to show me. I don't want it to just be about gifts, being too tired from running around constantly, and I pray that the Lord will keep my mind in the right perspective this week. I truly have been given so much and I have felt so blessed to be home around the people I love and to just embrace this time. 
I pray that you all have a great week and in the midst of chaos, as it is only 7 days till Christmas, that you in the business of it all will find peace within your heart, and may we all truly live out what this season is all about.

 "For unto us a Child is born...He is Christ the Lord."

What a Difference a Year Makes

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

  "Still mercy fought, for my attention...
You were waiting at the door."
When you’re in the air flying at extremely fast speeds, and you don’t have many options for things to do, it’s a great time to think. I enjoy traveling and sometimes I really enjoy traveling alone. Over the past week, 2 people from my hometown died tragically. It makes you stop and think, it really does. It’s interesting because since I finished this past semester, I have had a lot of time to myself and in that time I began to think about where I was at a year ago. It’s crazy what a year can do.
I have often been one to wish things away, to wonder what life will be like in the next phase, to find it hard to be content in the present, but I told my mom a few months ago that my prayer was to truly be content right where I am. I don’t want to miss out on anything that I should be getting right now and I will only have this time of my life once.
In thinking back a year ago at where I was at, in my heart and in things that I wasn’t sharing with anyone, I felt like I was dying. I guess I never realized how good I can be at acting, which isn’t something to be proud of, however it is something I have done. In masking pain I was trying to hide, trying to fix things I had gotten myself into, and trying to force something that God never had intended for me, I realize that I was in a place that was a product of my choices. While I learned many lessons, and God’s grace was poured over me during that time, a year later I can honestly say that I am so happy.
God has truly blessed me. Regardless of the lies I told myself, the messes I continued to try and fix, I now find myself with a love I never thought would be mine. I dreamed most of my life that I would marry my best friend and that life would be all of these things, but when I was trying to force things that I never should have, of course I ended up feeling like this was only a dream. This has been such an eye opening year for me, I have found so much of myself that I didn’t even realize I had lost, and I feel like I have grown so much. I am so thankful for the way my parents and my relationship has blossomed and I can’t thank them enough for their prayers and support. As Far as the love of my life, I can’t finish this blog without mentioning him. Andrew has truly been such a gift to me. His patience with me, his support during some difficult moments this past semester, his unconditional love that I’m sure isn’t easy at times, and the random acts of kindness that he does for me on a daily basis truly have shown me that the love I had always dreamed of, really is mine. No one puts a smile on my face quite like he does. He is such an incredible person and I thank God for putting the man of my dreams in my life. I am excited to continue my journey beside him and I thank God for the love story he is writing and everyday is a new adventure and I’m blessed to have him.

This semester of nursing school seriously flew by. It was by far one of the most challenging, but I made it and I was very proud of the grades I walked away with. I can’t believe I only have one semester of nursing school left. It’s weird when I started working on my resume and I filled out my first application for a job- Kind of scary, but I’ve worked hard to get here and this is what I’ve been preparing for. I truly have been so blessed this past year despite the mess I found myself in a year ago. For all those internal feelings and unrest in my heart, I now find myself at peace and with a huge smile on my face.
I am content with where I’m at and although there are days where I just wish things were different, I have nothing to complain about and everything to be thankful for. I am excited to see what the Lord has for me this next semester, as I am finishing up school. I am looking forward to my break at home and for a chance to spend time with my parents and friends that I don’t see often.

God truly is faithful and I am so thankful for place I am at in life right now.

Miracles Still Happen

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

"O Lord my God, I have called out to You, and You have healed me" Psalm 30:2
It's always in the Bible that we hear about miracles, or maybe it's from a friend or stories in church.
I know I never thought it would be me.
That's awful for me to doubt, to have faith so small that doesn't even consider that God would want to or choose to do something that would be a miracle in my life.
I've contemplated writing this blog since it happened.
You see, in being real it means I may risk feeling embarrassed, wondering if others will look at me differently, and really exposing a piece of my life that has somewhat felt like a 'secret' the past month.
Over the past month and a half I have been experiencing some real anxiety.
I'd say I've never been a laid back person, I tend to worry about many things, and its quite rare that my mind is not racing, however the anxiety I have been experiencing over the last few months is one that has been crippling
Fear of everyday things happening, feelings of panic, almost to where I feel like I can't breathe, being trapped in my own mind, obsessive thoughts of the future, and just a worry that never seems to subside is where I have been for the last 2 months.
It is also important for me to share that while I feel like this can make me look and feel like I have more "issues", I have been seeing a Christian counselor since September. I have so enjoyed my time with my counselor and I have no doubt that in meeting her, it was God's hand at work.
After discussing my anxiety with her, where I was at and how I was coping or not coping with my everyday tasks, we both agreed it would be beneficial to see her colleague who is a psychiatrist. 
Going to this appointment was one I dreaded. Digging through my past, my hurts, where I've come from, what I enjoy, where I'm at now and what I'm experiencing felt like the longest 2 hours of my life. 
After hearing where she thinks my anxiety stems from, and accepting her suggestion of being put on an anti-depressant for anxiety, I felt more defeated than I have in awhile.
I felt this made me weak. That if I was ever out of control of a situation, it was now.
How would I fix where I'm at?
What is the medicine going to do to me? Will I ever feel like myself? Will I ever have a day where my mind isn't racing?
It was exhausting.
I got a call from my Dad later this day. 
I must say, he doesn't call me often, so when my phone rang I was praying nothing was wrong.
My Dad called to tell me this: He had been at a prayer meeting all day in Lakeland, Fl. with the other pastors of the district. He said they went on a prayer journey for a few hours. He said while he was praying, he felt impressed to pray for my freedom and healing from my anxiety. My Dad is a man who believes in prayer, and I am confident that when he says he was interceding for me, that I can count on it. He told me that he felt confident that God would deliver me from this, he did not know how or when, but that he needed to call and tell me this. I thanked him, told him I loved him and hung up the phone.
I cried the entire trip back to my apartment. 
All I could think to myself was, Lord please be with me cause I don't know how this is ever going to get better.
The night before I went home for Thanksgiving, I started my medicine. Over the next few days, I was quiet, felt neutral to everything, tired, physically had some reactions to the medicine and was wide awake in the middle of the night with jitters. After the 4th night of this, I couldn't take it anymore, called my Doctor and we agreed I should stop the medication.
I felt even more defeated, now dreading another meeting with her when I returned to try another medication that would hopefully do the trick for me. I was extremely apprehensive but knew I couldn't give up yet.
I got back into town and met with my counselor on Wednesday. We talked about my trip home, my meeting with her colleague, and my reaction to the medication. I told her I felt more out of control of the situation than ever, wondered how it would ever get better, but also expressed the fact that I knew I couldn't give up.
After meeting with her, she said to me that she sensed such a peace about me. She said she had never seen me this calm in my spirit since her and I have been meeting.
I left this day feeling good about that. 
The next day, I met with the psychiatrist. I felt closed off and apprehensive. 
We talked. I shared my heart with her. I told her how I was willing to face the things her and I talked about and that I simply wanted to continue what I needed to and do the work needed in order for me to be the healthiest person I can be.
I told her about my Dad and his experience and prayers.
I told her I was relying on God as this is all I felt I could do at this point.
Her reaction wasn't what I expected.
Without knowing what my counselor said, she expressed the same thing my counselor told me.
She sensed a peace about me. A calmness that I thought medication was going to give me. She said she thought I had experienced a break through, and said I don't know what it is, but you are moving in the right direction.
She told me she had come with another medicine in mind to prescribe me, but after meeting with me said she was going to suggest that I take nothing, and to continue to do what I was doing, and if I needed to meet with her again, to call her.
I gathered my things, smiled and said thank you and walked out the door. 
I got in the car with Andrew and began to tell him what she said.
When he asked what medicine I had been prescribed I simply responded "Nothing."
I couldn't take all of this in.
Later that night I finally had the time to process through everything and all I could think to do was let my Dad know that I was calling to tell him I was free. That God somehow, someway, had been involved in all of this. That I didn't need medicine anymore for my anxiety. That somehow my mind hasn't been racing so much. I haven't had any further panic attacks. I can relax on my own without medication.
He responded. Praise the Lord. We will claim it!!!!!

While this does not mean I am done with my counseling, and that my road to wholeness and better health is over, it means that the Lord truly has delivered me from the pressing anxiety that I was having. I do not have to be medicated in order to feel fine. 
I still, am in awe of what happened because I don't even know how or when it took place, but 2 doctors within 48 hours said the same thing to me.
I'm choosing to claim it and believe that it was God, and I in my own life experienced a miracle!

While I am not proud to tell my story and feel embarrassed about my anxiety, I can't keep what God's done to myself!
He truly is the healer and I am thankful for His faithfulness in my life and I believe in His power to continue to help me on this journey.

Thanks to all of you who have been praying for me and a special thanks to Brittany for the picture! 

Powered by Blogger.
Theme Designed By Hello Manhattan

Your copyright

Your own copyright