A Bit Scattered

Monday, March 28, 2011

"He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul." (Psalm 23)

I have been thinking over the last few weeks about quite a lot.
This isn't something new for me as it seems the wheels in my mind are always turning.
I am not sure my mind is ever "still."

I've erased and rewritten this blog a few times now. I am anxious to see what it turns out like. I feel as though my thoughts are scattered, my mind is wandering, I am restless, tired, frustrated, anxious and worried.

Nothing seems to come out right.
I don't usually feel like I can't express my thoughts, especially through writing, but I'm struggling.

Maybe its being tired. Maybe its close to a transitional phase, once again. Maybe it's because I feel disappointed by people. Wondering what's ahead. Things that I thought were going to be a certain way, aren't.

Just a day where I feel like nothing I do is right, nothing comes out right, I can't express myself how I usually can. I'm quiet. Just sitting back and thinking.

This song that I wanted to share is something that I have put on repeat about 100 times this morning. The words have captured my attention. It's touched a part of my heart that nothing else seems to right now.
Gungor- Late Have I Loved You.

I encourage you to look this song up.

I heard this song live on Thursday night. In this moment I felt the presence of God in that place like I haven't in awhile. These words gripped every part of me.

"You breathed your fragrance on me."

I felt embraced. I felt loved. I felt secure.

To think that the God of the universe continually breathes life into us.
I need this right now.

I apologize for the scattered thoughts, and maybe it was pointless to even attempt a blog, but I felt impressed to do it.
I don't have many words but simply my prayer is:

Lord I need you. Be my strength, I don't have anymore. Breathe your life into my weary spirit.

Taking a Deep Breath

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

"No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow."

"I will offer thanks, for what has been and what's to come..."
I posted this quote a couple months ago right before winter started. I've never thought of the correlation between life, seasons, and God's plan- But now more than ever, I find myself saying things about "seasons" over and over again. My best friend Anna and I joke about the seasons of life, but it is such truth.

I think what simply blows me away is that God truly has a plan with MY best interest in mind.
Even when I lose sight of that, He is pursuing, healing, working, and piecing together every part of my life...even the pieces that I broke.
The paths that I have selfishly chosen have not stopped Him from putting things together.
My disobedience has not limited His power.
My stubborn nature has no kept Him from reaching me
No sin, no mistake, no regret that I have has kept Him from loving me.

Nothing is better than the peace that I have felt in following His will for my life as I have written about in previous blogs. I simply am amazed at all that God is doing in my life.
When I let go of the things I knew God wanted me to let go of, I had no idea what was going to be ahead of me, and there are so many aspects of this journey that I still don't know the answers to, but His love has been poured into my life.

As a little girl, I've dreamed of my life when "I grow up."
Silly things, serious things, cute things, goal, aspirations, impossible things....
Somewhere along the way, I've almost and for many seasons of my life have bought into the lie that God does not love me enough to give me the 'desires of my heart' as the Bible promises.
I often find myself believing that the mistakes I have made, have made that promise impossible for me.
His promises are true. Regardless of me.
This has been a humbling thought for me, to say the least.
One I must choose to accept, believe, and walk in daily.
There was a plan for my life even in the seasons where I didn't have a clue what was ahead.
This entire time, even now.

All of this to say, the leaves are coming back. Color is flourishing all around. The sun is beginning to shine and the plants that were dead are coming back to life.
Much like this, parts of my spirit that were dead, have come back to life.
The pieces are coming together and it is like I just took a deep breath.
It's freeing. It's exciting. It's new. It's refreshing.

For all the moments I never believed I was worthy of love, not only has the Heavenly Father poured His love into my life, but He is writing my love story.
A story I could never have written myself.
A love I've dreamed of my entire life.
His plans are unfolding before me.
I am undeserving but grateful.

It truly has been an incredible change of seasons for me.
No matter how long the winter seemed to be, there truly was life forming underneath it all.

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