Unveiling The Truth

Thursday, November 8, 2012

I've struggled to write this blog. 
I've been wrestling with the Lord over this.
My pride doesn't want me to be honest, and my heart knows that once I am honest, I am now responsible even more for all that I share.

Time to be honest.
There is something I struggle with. (one of many things)
But it's something I don't share with many people. 
It's consuming to me at times.
What is it?

Taking care of myself.
What do I mean?
Eating, drinking water, being mindful of everyday necessities like these.
Simple right?
This is what I do for a living. I'm a nurse. 
Not for me.

Maybe this doesn't make sense to you. I think it sounds crazy saying it out loud.

My past involved a time where Satan's hold in my life involved my self-image and the lies gripped my mind and had me believing that I was not beautiful, that I was overweight, and this lead me down a path I never want to take again.

While I overcame those struggles a few years ago and I am happy to share that Satan no longer has a hold on me and the things I used to do that were unhealthy, The lord has revealed to me in the last several weeks some very important things.

While I by no means think that I am overweight or anything like that, I often times find myself not eating, eating a few bites of food here and there, other times cleaning my plate 'if' I'm hungry, but there is no consistency in my life with food.
Water. Well we're becoming better friends these days, but I can count days where I go without drinking hardly anything all day long. 
Terrible right?

While I have lost weight since I played sports at the beginning of college and I know that my body has a faster metabolism than most people, after weighing myself a few weeks ago, I in my own heart broke down as I was shocked to see that I weighed 99 pounds.
This number gripped me.
While it isn't about the number, it's about a much deeper problem.

I spent time in Nashville and had the opportunity to see my counselor Alissa, I began to share with her about how I felt when I saw this number. How people asking "are you sick? how much do you weigh?- how all these comments I feel like rip me to pieces every time. 
I opened my heart for the first time to be able to say out loud 
"I don't take care of myself and I don't know why. It doesn't make sense, I take care of everyone else for a living." 
There was freedom in acknowledging this. 
As we talked about all that this involved, she encouraged me to have a 'plan' and to stick with it just as I do every other routine thing in my life. That it's important to take care of myself so I can do what I need to and be all that I need to be.

As I left Nashville, coming back home to my busy work life and school, it would be easy to fall back into my routine (or lack there of) and never really get out of this cycle that may lead down a road I don't want to be on.

One afternoon when I was by myself I began to pray.
It sounds silly I'm sure, but I began to pray that the Lord would make eating important to me.
That taking care of myself would begin to matter to me.

He brought me back in my mind to a place I found myself in almost a year ago.
In an ER room over something physical that never should have happened.
I didn't even realize that my problem went all the way back to this time.
Lack of taking care of myself, had me in the hospital to get help. 

I'm a nurse. I know all of the basic self- care things and the consequences if they don't happen.
Why does none of this matter?
Why haven't I cared?
Why did it not matter that my Mom, Andrew, and my friends would worry about me but I never worried about me?

Hear this friends.
I never wanted this to be a spiritual issue.
But it is.
I didn't see a problem with what I have been doing.
The Lord got a hold of me that day.
Like the light-bulb went on.

This is a spiritual issue and it is interrelated with everything else going on in my heart and life.
We often times view sin as not doing things like drugs and drinking because it is harmful to our bodies, but why did I never think that not eating and drinking how I should was a sin?

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God. You are not your own, you were bought at a price
Therefore, honor God with your body."

I Corinthians 6:19-20

Reading this has never been more alive to me than it is now.
I am a steward of the body I was given and I have to take care of myself.
This isn't optional.
I was bought at a price. 

I wish I could say that believing this makes things easy.
That all of a sudden everything and all my habits changed.
This isn't the case.
Everyday, I have to be intentional.
It involves eating when I don't want to.
Drinking water when it's the last thing I want to do.
Being held accountable.
Praying for strength and for God to change the way I see this issue and myself.

I'm not sure where you find yourself after reading this.
I hope not confused or thinking I'm crazy. (ha)

If I could share anything I guess I want you to hear this.
The way we take care of ourselves, specifically our physical health is a spiritual issue.
Maybe you don't like eating at all, or you do harmful things to your body to get rid of food because the number on the scale is all consuming for you and makes you do things you don't want. Maybe you find yourself overeating to make life better. It's how you cope.  Maybe its so out of control you don't even know where to start.

The way we take care of ourselves, and the things we consume or don't consume is important to the God of the universe who not only created us each uniquely, but bought us at a price.
We are commanded to honor God with our bodies.

Maybe like me, this is one of the hardest things for you and you aren't even sure if it can change.

Ask God to help you.
To change the way you see yourself.
To make caring for yourself important.
To change your heart.
After all, that is where this issue really stems from.

I'm not sure who this was written for, maybe it was just for me to be bold in unveiling truth in my own life, but I'm praying for each person who reads this. May the God who created you and loves you show you how important you are in His eyes.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Monday, November 5, 2012

I've never been the kind of girl to have lots of girlfriends.
I consider there to be few girls that have truly become some of my best, and truest friends.
Going into college, I prayed for more good people in my life.
That's exactly what I got.

When I got accepted at Trevecca my sophomore year, and made Everpraise, little did I know those would be some of the best years of my life, but more importantly I not only met Andrew, but I found some of the greatest people in my life.

When you travel all year round, every weekend, are in tight living spaces and long van rides what feels like all the time, and then you get to live together in the summer, it makes you pretty close.

I wouldn't have wished to share this journey with anyone else.

Brittany & Lindsey.

I had the chance to travel with Lindsey for 3 years. 
Singing the same part made us even closer (Although I'm sure most days she wanted to kill me).
Through my 3 years traveling with her, I found one of the best friends I've ever had.
Her sweet spirit, and quiet demeanor gave me the chance to open up about things in my life I probably never would tell anyone. 
She has been with me through some of the hardest days of my life, never judging me but loving me more than I could have asked for.
Her listening ear and words of encouragement were at times the biggest answer to my prayers.
She's awesome. Finishing a Masters degree at Belmont right now and she doesn't know if yet, but one of these days, I'll be her voice student.

While I didn't get 3 years to travel with Brittany, 2 years seemed like 10.
From the start, joking and understanding one another was a piece of cake.
Not many friendships are as natural as ours has been.
Over time, Brittany has become one of my best friends.
She has been beside me and been honest about hard things.
Pushed me to be better than I was, and loved me despite my mistakes.
Her love and excitement for things going on in my life is something I find so admirable.
Her genuineness in being happy for me even though it wasn't what her and I would choose as far as distance and circumstances, is what's let me know how true of a friend she is.
No one else quite gets our humor either.

I could spend hours explaining what these girls mean to me.
I knew I loved and appreciated them when I lived there.
But I had no idea how bad I would miss them and the countless hours together when I moved away.
The three of us together is by far some of the greatest moments guaranteed.
Laughs, Jokes, and good conversations. (and food...always) 
We have been through a lot and although life is changing for each of us, and so many times I wish I could go back, I am confident in our friendships and I thank God for some of the life long friends he brought into my life.
I am looking forward to everything God has ahead of us.

Visiting in Nashville with them was a blast.
Of course the time wasn't long enough, but would it ever be?

Here's a few flashbacks for ya.
Our last summer traveling together. 

This is our favorite, right ladies? :) 

God truly blessed me with these two.

Brittany & Lindsey
Thank you for being some of the greatest gifts in my life.
I am grateful for you and love you both so much.
Until we're together again....
"I hate to see you go even though I know when you're coming back...."
You know the rest ;) 

A Visit to Nashville!!!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

We took a road trip.
To our favorite place.

We had an awesome time visiting friends and family & so enjoyed the beautiful fall weather.

No surprise that I'm sentimental, so I couldn't help it.

Here's a few pictures of us from our trip!

More about our trip coming soon! 

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