the grace of my life

Friday, March 22, 2013

this was the title of a blog i never got to complete a year ago.
I found it a few weeks ago and  i was oddly happy when i found it.
sad that i never finished my thoughts during that time of my life, but a unique coincidence that i found a blog post i began to write about Andrew and I celebrating 1 year of being together.

Here is a paragraph from that blog.

I realize just how much my life has changed this past year. I talk about it often, but he has truly been such a blessing to me. He has embraced me where I'm at, seen me for what I can be, and loved me the entire time, and he continually encouraged me as I am on  my journey to find wholeness and to continually pursue what the Lord has for me.

i do nothing but smile when i read this, as we just celebrated two years of being together March 4th. 
while it feels like much longer than that (in a good way of course),  everything that i wrote a little over a year ago is still true but so much more. 

the past 8 months have brought on a ton of change in our lives, in just about every way, but i can honestly say when fear would creep in with all the changes taking place, Andrew has been a rock in my life. he has been consistent in a world with schedules that are absolutely inconsistent. 
he has shown me depths of love i've never experienced before, and i realize the challenge he has placed in my heart to let go, trust, and truly love without fear. 

if i was honest, i'd have to admit that i want nothing more than to love hard, but until the past couple of years, i never realized how much its cost me. 
while i don't live with regrets, there are scars in my life from loving hard and not receiving that in return. in giving more and finding out its not reciprocated. 
as I've continued my journey with Andrew, I have realized in my own heart my struggle to completely let go of fear, doubts, and worry, and everyday i am  learning what trust really means.
we have grown together so much in this past year, its crazy to think how much we've done, been through, and where we are going.

i have been challenged in my own walk of life because of this amazing guy.  he loves without conditions, and i am amazed at the strong yet gentle spirit he pursues me with. while our lives have gained new relationships and people we see day in and day out, it never gets old hearing that people think we belong together, or that we are good for each other.

at work i grin from ear to ear, hearing about resident's families who think he is so wonderful. 
i think to myself, he's mine.
i remember the days i only dreamed about him being mine and telling myself it could never happen.

i truly could go on and on. 
this guy is the best gift God has given me.
i don't know the details of all that God has in store for us, but i can't imagine my life without him.
he truly is the grace of my life.

andrew silvas. you truly are my heart. i consider myself blessed to be your best friend, to have the opportunity to love you, and i want nothing more than to help you do and be all God's created you to be. i know it requires more patience than i would ever have, but you truly make me a better person. you have reached parts of my heart i didn't know existed and i am learning everyday a little more of what loving you means.  thank you for teaching me about grace. for believing in us and not allowing fear to be a part of our relationship. you have shown me more about what love really means than you will ever know. it's been the best 2 years of my life and walking through everyday life with you is a gift. while our schedules, surroundings, and comforts have changed, we are still standing on what was built 5 years ago. its my favorite part you know. lucky i'm in love with my best friend.... you have my heart.
i will pursue you always.
Bethany Joy

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