In The Quiet

Sunday, May 13, 2012

I spent a great day celebrating Mother's Day with an incredible Mom.
No doubt about that.
I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else today.
In all honesty though, today is the first time in awhile
that I have had a chance to slow down. 
Not to many blogs have I written without it being well thought out.
I fear writing transparently at times for fear that my thoughts and feelings may come off as ungrateful, complaining, or so many other things I would never want to come across as.
Tonight I find myself at home.
It's quiet here.
In being honest, all weekend long I have felt like a bomb waiting to explode. Not in a bad way, or out of anger, but more so because of all the emotions I have been feeling without the time to process.
The knot in your throat thats so big when someone asks you how are you today- you have to fight with everything in you to keep it together.
That's where I find myself today.
The problem is, there is no problem. Most times you associate tears and feeling the way I do with something being "wrong" which is why I guess I hesitate to even talk about where I'm at.
But I'm here. This is real. This is me.
In this moment, I feel like I'm grieving in my own way of the changes being made and the end of such a great chapter in my life. I smile at all that I experienced the past 5 years and I know that the Lord has great things in store for me as I begin this new season.
But right now, in this moment, nothing else makes this better.
My fears, my uncertainties, the desires of my heart and the things I feel like I cry out desperately to the Lord weigh heavy on my mind and heart.
I know I'm here for a reason and my faith is certainly being tested and I know this is a time to grow.
I know all of this.
But in my humanness, my prayer has turned simply into Lord please right now just be here with me.
I don't know what else to pray.
Maybe there's beauty in this that I don't see.
I keep reminding myself of God's faithfulness.
I've pray that the Lord would refine me as I feel that I'm walking through the fire.
But right now I just want to be held close. To rest. To be still. To be quiet.
I don't know if this blog was written for anyone but myself, but if you find yourself in place like I am describing, maybe you can pray like me that the Lord would simply just be there with you and make Himself known.

I'm holding on. I'm trusting. And in His time, I know it will all come together.

"So let me go like a leaf upon the water,
Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
and I will disappear into a deeper beauty
But for not just stay with me
God, for now just stay with me."

The long walk I've waited 5 years For

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

It's crazy how fast it came and went! Ive waited 5 years to walk across the stage and get my diploma. Little did I know 5 years ago that it would take me an extra year, that I would be receiving a BSN degree, and that ahead of me would be a journey leading me back to Florida where I will begin graduate school in the fall.
Along with my family from South Carolina and Oklahoma, both of my grandfathers, some family friends and my parents here to celebrate, I didn't realize just how much this day and weekend really meant.

Friday night I was able to participate in one of the most special ceremonies I have ever been a part of. Pinning is a ceremony done in the nursing field and this is considered a " right of passage" that dates back several years. I knew 3 years ago that because my mom is a nurse that she would be able to pin me. I waited till a month before the ceremony to tell my mom that she would be pinning me. What a great night it was! No doubt a moment to forever be remembered.

Saturday morning arrived rather early and of course it was raining outside! Graduation got pushed back an hour but that just left time for Anna, Andrew, and myself to have breakfast and enjoy some time before the mad rush began. The sun came out no doubt and it was hot but it ended up being a beautiful day and a great ceremony.
As I prepared to get out of my line and walk across the stage to get my diploma for the few minutes I had, I felt sad, overwhelmed, proud and accomplished all at one time. Sad that my journey at Trevecca is over, overwhelmed at the fact that it's my turn to step into the real world and I don't know many details, proud that I have family, friends, and an amazing boyfriend that I had there to support me, and accomplished as I spent the last 5 years working hard, staying up late, studying till I thought I couldn't do it anymore and now I had accomplished what I came for.

While I still have not had time to completely take it in, I am so incredibly thankful for the 4 years I spent at TNU. I know doubt hade some of the best days of my life, I found my calling and had the opportunity to safely explore whatever the Lord might have for me, I got to travel for 3 years and do what I love, I made lifelong friendships, and I met my best friend and the man of my dreams.

It literally brings tears to my eyes just thinking of everything the Lord has done in my life in the last 4 years. This was an incredible and memorable weekend no doubt and as I am finishing this chapter of my life and beginning a new one, I will continue to remember Gods faithfulness to me up to this point and hold onto this truth as He is ahead of me even now,

Thank you to everyone who made this weekend so special!!

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