Seasons of Life

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I was thinking the other day...
It's funny that we try to control things and we stress ourselves out trying to fix situations
that we never had control of in the first place.
Seems ridiculous if you think about it like that.

I guess that's what I wanna be.
I know I can be a stubborn person at times. I don't consider myself to have control issues, but I have been questioning myself lately on my control issues with God and what he is doing around me and in my life. Why in the world can I not just let go and trust Him?
Am I scared? What is there to be afraid of? He's never let me down yet...
That doesn't mean there is no pain involved in change or circumstances that make no sense to me- but through all that- God has never asked me not to hurt, or to act like everything's okay, He asks me to be real and bring it to His throne confidently.
I'm wondering how long it is going to take me to learn this lesson.
I have a feeling it will be a life long lesson.

The other day, I watched the video from when EverPraise sang this past year.
As we sang my favorite song, and sang
"Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him. How I've proved him over and over. Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus, Oh for Grace to trust Him more"
I watched the passion I had when I sang that and just the belief in every word that I was singing.
It's proven true in the past in my life.
Why would it not prove true now?

I guess I admitted to myself it's because I don't want change.
Regardless of how I feel, what's going to happen, and whether I like it or not, God has literally shown me in multiple ways in the last couple of weeks that He is going to get His work done with or without me. I so want to be a part of this and in order to be what he needs me to be I have to let go of all that I think should be, and trust that He knows what is best.

"God is more concerned with our character than our comfort."

I have decided that I am going to not wait till I feel like going along with change, or until I feel like I understand what God is doing in my life, because if I wait to feel might not ever happen.
I need to act and trust.
Isn't that what Faith is?!

I am almost embarrassed that I question God, but I realize that he is drawing me closer to Him during this time. If anything, I pray that when I look back on this season of my life, it will be another stepping stone in my journey where my faith was stretched. I am praying daily for the strength to step boldly into all that He has for me.

I am thankful for a God that is patient with me and that regardless of the season of life, His love is always there, no matter where I am at. He never leaves us and I find so much comfort in that.

I'll end with a line from a song that has played over and over in my mind in the last couple of weeks.

"I will give you what you need, in plenty or in poverty- forever always look to Me, and I will give you what you need. I will not take my love away."

I am resting in this promise.

"And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us..."

Monday, August 2, 2010

"We started out as strangers, and ended as family."

Where in the world did the summer go?!
Ah, it was a blast! The last month of summer flew by! North Carolina camp was a blast,time with the Edward's was such a blessing. The memories kept rolling, and the laughs were constantly coming. It was a blast!

I couldn't be more thankful for such a great summer!!!

Deep breath.
If I am learning one thing in life, I am learning that things are constantly changing. I am not a huge fan of change, but I realize that with change come some of the best things in life. Some of the greatest characteristics that we attain, and growth that happens throughout our lives comes when change happens.

I wanna be completely real about something I am learning and experiencing right now in my life. I have a knot in my throat as I am writing this, because like I said it's real, and it's now.
Over the last year I have had this huge desire on my heart to just live in the moment. To take nothing for granted and to just love life and every moment because we are never promised tomorrow. I never really understood why I felt this way, but none the less I can say that over this past year, I have done that. I don't have any regrets of time spent with people or wishing time away. That's been an awesome feeling!

A couple of situations in my life where I thought things were certain, or "comfortable" in the past week I found out won't exactly be how they were. Without going into detail, it has been a hard thing to take in. Something that I have been looking forward to, something that I have held onto so much because it is so special to me, and just something that I love dearly, is now not going to be exactly like I had planned. Through all of this, I realize now that the uncertainty of tomorrow, and the questions that I have, and all the emotions that I have , I have a choice in all of it. Do I trust that God knows what's best, or do I wallow in my selfish feelings?

A question was asked to me- Bethany- do you trust God, or do you trust the people he brought into your life?

Looking back on everything, and working through all that is happening, and what's ahead, I realize now more than ever, that my trust cannot be in people, but in the One who brings people into my life.

We sang out last song together in a worship service a week ago in SC, and as we were on stage singing for the last time together as a group- clear as day, I heard the Lord speak to me and he said this
"Bethany, I know exactly what you need, trust me. I know what each of you need. Let me do my thing."
I really didn't know what to think about this, so I just kept it to myself until later that night.
I told the group what I felt like I heard, and I was relieved to just share that.

It is easy for my head to say that God is already ahead of me and he knows what I need and it's another thing for my heart to believe that. In the last week as I have been praying about my attitude, and for an open mind and heart, I realize how much I struggle to fully trust God with things that I cannot control.
It seems kinda silly that I would even try to control something that I never had control of in the first place. My prayers and my desire is to trust God with everything that I have, regardless of how I think things should turn out.

It's one thing to say that I trust God with things that I like. It's another thing to say I trust God in situations where I am hurt, wondering what's next, and nervous about the outcome.

I wanna believe this with everything that I am.
"Jesus, Jesus- how I trust Him. How I've proved him over and over. Jesus, Jesus- precious Jesus, oh for Grace to trust Him More."

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