Thoughts on This Rainy Tuesday

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

It's finals week.
All of my hard work of the semester, the long hours in clinical, reading, and doing case studies boils down to one more test. 
This is when I keep telling myself " I think I can, I think I can." 
I have spent yesterday, today, and I will be back again tomorrow in my favorite little coffee shop from the time it opens till it closes.
I feel a lot of pressure going into this test on Thursday but all I can do is my best and that will be good enough.
If you think of me Thursday around noon, say a prayer for me!
It's crazy to think that after Thursday, I only have two semesters left.
After Thursday I can finally enjoy my so called "summer." I will begin back with a new semester (my hardest one yet) August 18th, but after Thursday I have some time until then to enjoy a vacation away for a week to Gatlinburg with my family. 

I had a few plans during my two weeks off, but maybe I haven't learned this lesson yet: 
whenever you make plans is when they seem to change right? 
A little bump in the road if you will.
I recently started a new muscle strengthening program and have been so excited to see changes and just overall feeling better. Over a period of a few weeks I noticed some discomfort in my shoulder and after it got worse, I figured I should probably get it checked out.
After a few visits, and an MRI I was given news I was crossing my fingers that I wouldn't hear.
I tore part of my rotator cuff (how? no idea.), and my chance of it being fixed with physical therapy is not a high enough percentage at this point in time for me to take the chance as I do not have time up ahead to slow down and have surgery.
So with my break coming up, I am going be having surgery on August 6th.
 I was told recovery time is 4-6 weeks. 
I left this Doctor's appointment with my Dad, didn't say much, got in my car and bawled.
That means a lot of things in my life at this time. 
My mind was racing.
I tried to see the positives. 
I am thankful that I have insurance, thankful I at least have 2 weeks off school. At least it isn't close to my wedding. Thank God it's my left arm and not my right dominate hand. 
Thank God it's fixable! 
I tried so hard to focus on the positives but in my heart feeling the anxiety in having to slow down, in realizing that this means I am not allowed to work 4-6 weeks and all the financial concerns that flooded my mind were overwhelming. I will still be able to go on vacation even if I am somewhat crippled, and I'm thankful for that. 
I left the most important part of this story out.
Often times in my life, the lesson have come after the incident. The encouragement, the scripture, the word from someone important in my life...etc. 
This time a little different.
I just didn't know what it meant.
That morning when I woke up as I was getting ready for the day and getting ready to go meet my Dad to get to my appointment, clear as day I heard the Lord tell me
 "Today you're going to have to trust me." 
I guess I didn't think much about it at the time, but after I got back into my car after my appointment these words flooded into my mind in the midst of the anxious thoughts.
I have had about a week today to digest it all, and again I am trying to work out the logistics and to process all that it means, but I am also realizing just how much I do have to trust God.
It might seem small, or not like a big deal, but I don't do well slowing down. 
I don't do well when I need help from others. 
I don't do well when I have no control.
So, where am I at today right now on this rainy Tuesday?
I feel a little overwhelmed about my test Thursday but I am doing my best to study and trust the Lord to help me Thursday. My last day of work for awhile is on Friday and then I have a few days off before my surgery in which I plan to clean up my room that's been needed cleaning since the semester began. I have a list of things I want to tackle before Wednesday the 6th rolls around.
I guess my prayers have changed a bit.
I'm going to have to trust the Lord to provide more than I have in past weeks. I do not know as of now when I will be able to go back to work and that's something I have to take day by day. This feels so stressful to me but again, this is a chance for me to grow, I already am. I am looking forward to going on vacation with my Family and my Fiance and enjoying a week away from everything. I hope to spend quality time with everyone and enjoy it before life takes off in the fall and into December for our wedding. I have a list of wedding things I cannot wait to sit and plan and talk about. This is more of an excuse for me to get to do this and not feel as guilty for being on pinterest. School will be here before I know it and I was told I should be able to begin clinical just as I would have regardless of my surgery and I am praying that my therapy goes well and that I begin on time.
 So in the next month or so it is my prayer that in this time of change, slowing down and healing, that I would trust the Lord, that I would grow closer to him, and that I would take it one day at a time and enjoy the time I have. 
I would greatly appreciate your prayers in the next week.
I am also selfishly hoping for more time to blog so maybe this will be one of many posts to come in the next several weeks! 
I am thankful today for the promises of the Lord and that He will take care and watch over me.
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