Monday, September 28, 2015

Most of you probably know a little about my family, but if you don't, my Dad is a Pastor and my Mom is an RN. My Dad has pastored here in Vero for the last 21 going on 22 years. I am blessed to have been able to grow up in one place as that is rare for PK's.
This past Sunday, my Dad shared a glimpse of his story and his "in the meantime" moment. We have been doing this series at church and the heart of this series is discussing the moments in life when there is nothing we can do about our circumstances and what we choose to do and believe during these times, understanding that there is a purpose for these difficult times, and a promise that His grace is always sufficient.
My Dad shared from his heart part of our story as a family that I'm not sure has ever been shared. Again, for those of you that don't know my Mom has an incredible story of God's healing, redeeming love, and promise that he brings wholeness into our brokenness.
When my mom was younger, she experienced abuse in her life and when she got married to my Dad she had not remembered that any of this had gone on until she was in her 30's and I was about 2-3 years old.
The journey that my parents experienced during this time of reliving, dealing with flashbacks, and working through all that this abuse had done to her was something that even to this day I know I will never fully understand or grasp all that it was. While they did everything to protect me from all that this entailed, there is no way I wouldn't be affected.
With all that being said, I cannot help but thank God for the work that He did in Mom's life and how much she has been able to help people because of the journey she had to take to find God's healing in her life.
What I wanted to focus on is that in the last 24 hours since my Dad has shared his/our "in the meantime" moment, is just how thankful I am for the work the Lord has done in my life, and for His faithfulness to me in all that this was for our family. While it wasn't till I was a senior in high school that I even became aware that any of this had gone on, I remembered things from my childhood that I had always wondered

It's that Time Again

Saturday, September 26, 2015

There's no denying that fall is my favorite season.
While I was not born in Florida, I basically consider myself a true Floridian as I've spent the majority of my life here. 
I think it's now that I miss Nashville the most as I got to experience the sweet change of seasons for the 4 years that I lived there.
There really is nothing else like it.
The cool crisp air brings with it a renewing and refreshing sense.
The beautiful color of the changing leaves brings with it an awareness that change is coming.
All the sweet things of fall are so inviting. This includes some of my most favorite candle scents all year, any and everything pumpkin is welcomed, and those jeans and boots you've been waiting to wear all summer are now acceptable attire.
Fall is unlike any other time.
But I don't think everything about Fall is easy. 
While the initial sense of change is sometimes invited and welcomed, with it also comes truth. Sometimes hard truth.
While I have never and will probably never be 'good' at change, I understand that change is one of the only constants in life. Kind of ironic.
With some change comes the realization that we need to get rid of things in our life, and other times its just coming to grips with the fact that things in life change, people change, friendships change, and some of these things are not easy to deal with and accept.
With the change of fall, the changing of the leaves, and the physical representation of the season, its preparation for what's next, and that's winter. During this time, its cold, long, and during this time things die, with a purpose, to bring new life when spring time finally arrives. 
All that being said, it's that time again. I am in the middle of adjusting to the one of the biggest changes and adjustments I have had in awhile beginning my career as a Family Nurse Practitioner. While I enjoy what I do, the reality of its demand on my life and all that it entails is something I slowly adjust to daily. With this being the main thing going on in my life right now, I am learning to adjust and juggle everything else that I do with my time. I have found myself feeling like I don't have much time for myself and it turn it affects other relationships in my life, but thats the beauty of this growing season. The Lord has really been refining my heart and my mind in these days. I have realized how weak I am, and in turn, I get to see just how strong He is. 
If I was being completely transparent I would also have to say there has been hurt in understanding and coming to grips with certain relationships in my life that have changed. I am so guilty of always wanting to "relive" something or saying "remember when." While it is fun and amazing to have some of the incredible memories that I do, I also understand we can't be stuck in wanting to relive something or waiting for the next time it is like that again...if it ever will be. I miss out on the here and now when I live in this mindset. Again, all of this happening at what feels like one time, I realize more and more my thankfulness that the Lord is consistent, constant, and faithful. I have had to let go control of things in my own life that I cannot change, I have had to accept that time is my best friend right now with my career. Experience comes with time and it cannot be rushed. I have had to accept that people and friendships change, and even when it hurts so deep that words don't do justice, I have to remember that the only thing I can control is myself and I pray for healing and God's restoration in these situations. 
It's that time again. Where I feel nostalgic. Where I am taken back in my mind to the blogs I've written about fall, about change, and about all the Lord's done in my life in the last 4-5 years. I am still amazed at where the Lord's brought me. I know I am so undeserving. It's what gives me more faith and hope that even in these moments where I question myself, my abilities, and I wrestle with all my insecurities that I am reminded of how big My God really is. For the hurts and the struggles deep in my heart that I have been wrestling with, I know that I serve a God who is about healing, restoration and bringing new life into things that area dead and broken. 
I am welcoming Fall with open arms. I don't want to be the same person that I am right now when this season comes to an end. It is my prayer that with each and every change I am experiencing, that I would cling to my constant and loving Savior. I want to experience the life that He brings in the midst of it all.

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