You Go Before Me

Monday, January 3, 2011

"I look behind me and You're there, then up ahead, You're there, too- Your reassuring presence, coming and going."
Psalm 139:4 (the msg)

he road to Lakeland is one I have driven many times.
While I was home on break, I was coming back from Lakeland and I was driving on what seems to be the longest road ever created. I had on music in the car that brings me back to such a sweet place in my mind, and I began to spend time with the Lord.
I just began sharing how I am feeling about life and everything that has been going on in my head and heart. While I have nothing to complain about, and I am extremely blessed, this season of life hasn't exactly been what I thought it was going to be and it has been a challenge. There is nothing wrong with this, but I have felt in my own heart that some things just don't seem 'easy' any more and life just seems hard right now. I was reminded of the lessons I have been learning over the past 6 months and God has constantly been teaching me about seasons and the fact that He has the perfect time for everything.
Surrendering the way I think things should be done, to His will, has become a daily struggle for me.
As I was being completely real with the Lord, He stopped me and almost brought me back in my mind to this place. Let me share with you.
I saw myself, in the car, 3 years ago, driving back to Southeastern going the opposite direction I was currently driving. Listening to the same music and spilling my heart out to the Lord, I could remember the feeling in the pit of my stomach. The hurt, the insecurities, the questioning, the impatience, and just the weary place I was at in life. I was reminded of conversations that I had with the Lord.
"What are you doing with my life? Where do you want me to go? When will I not feel this way? What do you want from me?"
I was lost, confused, tired, and hurting, but trusting that the Lord knew what He was doing and even though it was nothing that I had planned, He knew exactly what He was doing with my life when He brought me to Southeastern.
Now that I am out of that place in life, I know that I needed that year, no matter how hard it was.
God was shaping my heart even when I didn't know it.
Those memories were bittersweet, but the Lord wasn't finished talking to me.
He then brought to mind everything I have done in the last 2 and a half years since I have been at Trevecca. He has blessed me so much since I have been there, and while I am missing certain parts of the things I have experienced since I was there, the Lord also reminded me that He has a season for everything and I need to be thankful for what I was given, but to trust what He's doing even now, in my life while I am at Trevecca. I couldn't help but smile thinking about how many blessings have been poured into my life since I moved to Nashville.

The Lord then moved on to tell me this. In my own words:

"Bethany, just like the many times you've driven that road in front of you, and you had no idea what I was doing, you were hurting, and questioning me, look where I've brought you. I knew what I was doing. And just like I brought you to Nashville, and I have given you things for a season. Life is always going to change. You may not understand everything that is going on right now, but I still know what I am doing. And just like the road ahead of you, it's long, and you can't see everything in front of you, but I can. And if you'll let me, I want to walk every step of this journey beside you. I have so much planned for you, just keep trusting me. I know what I am doing."

I felt like the Lord was sitting right there in the car talking to me.
I wanted to stay in that moment forever, the ride home flew by.
I am thankful for these experiences, and these reminders that God knows what He is doing with my life, and if I will continue to trust Him and follow him, He will walk beside me every step of the way.

I pray that in this next season of my life, as I go back to school to tackle another semester, that I will see God's plan unfolding in front of me daily. I want to be more aware of what He is doing in and around me, and I pray that I will become so in tuned with what He wants for me.

" You never said it would be easy, You only said I'll never go alone."

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