Total Surrender

Saturday, February 19, 2011

"God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him."
2 Samuel 22:21(the msg)

I am not exactly sure what is going to come out of this blog.
I really don't, I just know that I need to write.
I got away, and have been sitting by myself just thinking about everything I am dealing with right now. I simply prayed Lord give me the words.
I open my bible...and that verse is right in front of me.
I can't say I've ever read through 2 Samuel for an encouraging verse like that.
Thank you Lord.
You know exactly what I need.

I will start by a simple prayer that comes from Psalm that I have been praying for the last several weeks.

"Test me, O lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; for your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth." Psalms 26:2-3

Honesty is hard.
Especially within your self.
Ever thought about why we try and lie to ourselves?

So in everything going on in my life right now and just really searching my own heart and truly being honest with myself, I realize I have been complacent, disobedient, settled, wrestling with truth, running from peace, scared of what's ahead, trusting in my own plans, closed to what God could have for me, anxious to live life my way, trying to push away from that ever small but present voice inside my head and heart that wants to speak truth into my life.

After a long battle, a restless spirit, an exhausted mind, and an emotional mess welling up inside of me I have found myself in a place of total surrender.
Obedience is scary when you don't know what's ahead of you.
But oh what Peace exists in the midst of a storm when you choose to Trust in Jesus.

"When you're truly in Love with Jesus, you'll be satisfied and you can rest in knowing that He is all that you need."
I was convicted when I heard my Dad quote something similar to this in a sermon a week ago.
Am I in love with Jesus?
Am I satisfied in all that He is?
Can I rest assured that He is going to take care of me?

It is sweet. It satisfies. It's restoring life in me that I haven't seen or felt in awhile.
"He is jealous for me..."
I am being pursued by the greatest love I will ever have.
I am falling in love all over again with Jesus.
It's alive. It's real. It's powerful. It's addicting.

Suddenly for being the "planned" person that I always am, I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. I have no idea what I am going to do when I graduate. I don't know any details about my future. And for the first time, I am okay with that.
I've stopped planning. Even wishing.
I am content right where I am at.

Maybe this is the best place to be.

I am open. I am willing. I may be broken but God is creating something beautiful and whole out of this mess of a life I have made.
He is faithful and even now is writing the Love story of my life and I cannot wait to see where He leads me.

It's amazing what happens in a place of total surrender.

"Nothing is impossible for you, You hold my world in your hands."

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