It honestly has been so long since I've taken time to write.
It's crazy looking back that the last time I posted was a few days after my Grandfather passed away. It's almost been 4 months and it feels like it was yesterday.
So where have I been?
Let's see. 
This semester of graduate school was harder than I imagined and quite honestly the next 7 days couldn't be over sooner. Between clinical hours, studying, writing my paper, working, and doing wedding planning here and there, I'm not sure this semester consisted of much "free time." I turned in my 30 page Master's paper today and what a relief that was. This semester has been grueling in many ways but I am so thankful for the love and support I've had and I'm so glad I am one week away from being finished. Then it's one semester to go and I graduate in May!

All that being said, what's the real reason I sat down tonight of all nights to write?
Maybe this is the only place I feel like how I feel will actually be expressed. I want to be able to look back and remember where I was tonight. This time really is not like any other time.
I am two weeks away from walking down the isle to say I do. It's crazy to me that it is so soon. I can remember counting down from 500 days, and now I am 14 days away. Such an exciting time in life and I honestly cannot wait for all of our family and friends to arrive to celebrate with us.

These last few months have made up one of the most interesting seasons of life and I'm not sure words would ever do justice to all I have learned, all that I've experienced, and all that the Lord has done in my heart. 

As I am writing tonight, as excited as I am for all that's ahead, I don't feel the depth of gratitude to be where I am could ever fully be expressed. 
However, I am writing with a heavy heart and I find myself in a place that is somewhat familiar. If you have read any of my previous posts or kept up with me, I have this strong belief and idea that the seasons around us physically truly are reflective of seasons in life we experience. Fall is one of my favorite times, but at the same time it can also be one of the most challenging as we prepare for winter. This season of life in my eyes is one of preparation for what's ahead, and one of change. The more I have reflected on the past few months, the more I realize though just how hard the growing process can truly be. Being refined is never easy, but I am thankful for a God who promises He will finish all that He starts within us. For a girl who doesn't do change well, this season has really pushed me to grow in areas I have been reluctant in, and has given me a chance in the midst of pure chaos to have to completely trust Lord. 
While our schedules are hectic, life feels like it is going 100 miles an hour, and I feel as though I am watching certain people in my life drown in the everyday business of life and all that it can bring, I am realizing just how important it is to pray daily for perspective. I have been so guilty of being self-centered and focused solely on my problems, my agenda, and all that is bothering me. While I don't do it right all the time, I feel the Lord has truly brought perspective into my life in the last few months and given me a chance to let me see life through His eyes.

It has been amazing as I have opened my heart to His leading and guiding, how He has refined certain insecurities I have truly wrestled with and I feel He has and is preparing my heart to enter into this new season of marriage. I never dreamed I would face certain problems within myself as we have gotten closer and closer to our big day, but I'm so grateful for the bumps along the way. 

I have to admit, I feel as though my brain is scattered, my words don't come out as smooth as I would like these days, I cry easily, I'm more sentimental than ever, I'm weary with school, and I am anxious for the next few weeks as there are so many awesome days ahead. Regardless of my feelings, the chaos, and life's circumstances that at times seem so overwhelming and at other times impossible, I am so grateful tonight for this season and for the sweet journey the Lord has taken me on in the last few months.

I have promised myself I will write at least once more before my wedding day and I look forward to documenting this experience and share our day with all of you. 

While I realize this post is anything but "light" I really can't tell you how thankful I am for a loving Heavenly Father and for the work He has done in my heart and life. I have been given so much that I don't deserve and I am so thankful that despite my faults He continuously loves and pursues me, refining me, and giving me the chance to find wholeness in the midst of a world that fights hard to break each one of us down. While I cannot slow things down, or fix problems and situations that I so badly wish that I could, I can continue to ask the Lord for perspective and to help me keep my eyes on the big picture. As I am two weeks away from entering this amazing season as a wife, it is my prayer that the Lord would be at the center of all I do. The Lord has wrecked my life in redefining His love in my heart and life and I want nothing more than for our marriage to be an expression of this love. 
Such an exciting time. My heart is heavy but full.


2 Comments

  1. The new year marks the beginning of everything you have worked for. You have worked so hard and as things slow down a little (hopefully) you will reap the benefits of your hard work. We serve an amazing God who has so much in store for you. I truly believe that you will be overwhelmed with blessings in the new year.

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  2. Hopefully your life will slow down. Lol. It's really late and I haven't had much sleep and apparently I can't form sentences.

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