Here's to Monday

Monday, December 1, 2014

Monday was slightly welcomed after finishing my last two days at work this weekend before the wedding.
However, today was much dreaded as it completely involved studying, studying, and more studying.
I am about 36 hours away from my final exam and I couldn't be happier to have Wednesday here.
Friday I have my Master's presentation so while I am not "home free" after Wednesday, what a weight will be lifted.
I have to say I never imagined what these last two weeks would look like.
While many people keep asking me if I'm nervous about the wedding and I can honestly say I'm not so sure it's set in yet, as my main focus is to finish out this semester strong, but come Friday I have a feeling it may be that much more real, and all the more exciting.
I've mentioned it before, but I don't do change well.
I'm a planner.
I like to know how everything is, what it looks like, how it will feel, and just how each and every minor detail will work out. 
However, with the season I'm about to begin, there is no way to have these answers before I'm there.
As scary as it is, it has brought me to a new place in my relationship with the Lord.
I have noted in the past few days, in the midst of what feels like mass chaos going on around me, the Lord has been so near to me and I've experienced peace that I know is not my own. 
While my nerves are on edge for my exam and I am anxious to be done, with a list of growing things to do before my first out of town friend comes in next monday, I have just had an underlying peace.
Today I find myself, sitting in our house (which is still something I have to remind myself is real) where I will be living in just two short weeks, in the quiet after spending some time studying, and I am overwhelmed at God's goodness.
I wondered where/how we would live and what it would all look like. 11 days before my wedding I am sitting in a beautiful, furnished house in which we owe nothing on what we have (what a blessing), with our first Christmas decorations and items that have taken months to put together as we have gotten them here and there, and as we continue to get gifts for the wedding we are adding to the list, and little by little my things are making their way here and finding a place, and slowly but surely we are making our house a home. While I have spent quite a bit of time here, cleaning, organizing, moving, and decorating, it is rare that I am here to just sit and be still, but today I am here for just that. 

I know I am still wrapping my head around the idea of moving, creating and adjusting to a new home, and learning to grow with Andrew in this new season of marriage thats so close to us. 
But I cannot wait.
I feel overwhelmed. Humbled. Excited. Scared. & Thankful.

Words would never be able to do justice to the prayers and cries of my heart that the Lord has answered in the last several months of my life. His faithfulness in every single step and intricate detail of this process is where I gain my confidence in continuing to walk forward into this season trusting Him completely. 

I have read back over some of my blogs this past week, and I cannot begin to describe to you the flood of emotions I felt as I went back and read from some of the very darkest and hardest places in my life, to the mountain top experiences. While I am just about to begin a new chapter and it is truly on the beginning for Andrew and I as we start our life together, The Lord was so gracious to me when He sent me to Nashville. I will forever be grateful for that season of my life and for God's leading and guiding and molding during such a crucial time in my life. While we say we miss those days often, I am still in disbelief at times about our story and how it started, grew, and to now be 11 days away from saying I do, I have never been more grateful for God's timing and faithfulness in giving me the desires of my heart when it came to finding who I would spend forever with.
I realize though that just because of all the excitement and new days ahead, the heaviness going on in those live's around me, and even the weight of what I feel doesn't go away, but even if it was just for a few minutes today, it felt good to be still. To experience peace. To say thank you. 

I am beyond blessed and my heart is so full today.

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