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Change

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

When life slows down from its normal fast pace, and when the everyday coming and going changes, "normal" doesn't really seem to exist. A break from school alone, can change the meaning of "normal" in my life. But so much more has changed in my life in the last month. 
From a fiancĂ© to a wife. A different house. A different car. A different computer. A different schedule. A different routine. 
A new normal.
For a girl who doesn't do change well, this has been a challenge. All positive changes and all great things, but still an adjustment.
I think I've understood the meaning of major adjustments in the past but this by far tops the list.
I guess the difference in my life this time, is what I choose to focus on.
While adjustments are never easy, even though they are all positive things,
I have a choice to make when I feel like nothing in my life feels normal, routine, or comfortable in that I know what to expect.
It's been such a learning time, and a growing process, and really it's only the beginning.
I'm one week away from beginning a new clinical rotation in a speciality I know nothing about.
I am nervous and excited to begin my last semester of graduate school, but in the back of my mind I realize just how close another change is approaching. 
Again its all positive.
But where is my focus?
My focus is on the one thing in my life that doesn't change.
My heavenly Father.
For the first time in my life, I'm doing everything I can to live in the moment instead of always being steps ahead of everyone else.
As much as I wish things away at times when they are not easy, this is a process and something I know I have to let take it's sweet time.
I pray it changes and molds me into a stronger, wiser, more understanding and patient person.
I pray it pushes me to draw closer to the One who created this heart that so longs for consistency and pushes against change.
I wish I knew how long this will take.
I wish I knew how I was going to feel each step of the way but that's the beauty of this process.
I hope to have many more journals and writings about this beautiful process into this new and exciting season of my life.
I have been given so much and I am so incredibly blessed.
Being pushed out of my comfort zone has made me appreciate things I haven't appreciated like I should in awhile and if anything, it has opened my eyes more so than ever to God's grace that is just enough for each day. 
There's beauty in the change. 
During the midst of what feels like a long winter season- life, beauty and newness is being born in it all, and I am thankful for this process. 
It's a season like I've never experienced before and in my humanness I struggle with control but I am grateful that at the end of the day, I do not have control.
In the midst of change, uncertainty, and newness, I'm experiencing peace.
That's what it's all about.
The process.
And being changed through it.

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