Embracing Change

Friday, July 31, 2015

If you've read any of my writings it is probably no surprise to you that I do not like change. At least in the beginning.
I feel like this is something I will always struggle with and even with "good" change I still drag my feet in the mud.
Maybe its the unknown. Maybe its fear of failure. Fear of not liking whatever the new "normal" might look like. Fear that I will wish it had never changed. 
But then again, if nothing ever changed, we would never grow. I know this.
Even some of the times in my life where I have felt the most resistant to change, I have come to love the other side of it so much more than I imagined.
In the last 8 months life has changed drastically and I am currently in a season of continuous change. 
I got married in December. I moved into a different house. I started a new semester. I graduated. I'm no longer a "student." I quit a job. I ended my career as an RN. I start my new job as an FNP Monday. And the list continues.
In the midst of my fear and anxiety in all that comes with change, there is one thing I am reminded of.
God never changes.
He is never caught off guard.
I think that truth resonates deep within my heart right now. For so many reasons. 
Somedays I wrestle with change that is so far beyond my control that when I can sit down and really be still, its truly been a waste of my energy and time. 
I can't change anyone else. I should get that by now and yet I try to force things that will never happen.
There's so much truth in the Bible when it says there is a time and a season for everything, and even in the hurt of what that can mean sometimes, it's truth. Its life.
Maybe too often I want things to "always be the way they were" and I miss out on the things God wants to be doing in my life in the moment. Relationships are constantly changing and that's just how it is. But even at times that reality stings. 
Yet again, God never changes. I am beyond grateful for this truth.
Regardless of the hurt that has come with some of the change in recent days and weeks, and my fear of what is ahead of me, the scripture found in Philippians 4:6-7 is what brings peace into my life. 
"Do not be anxious about anything but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 
I wanna live this verse. 
I wanna pray from my gut.
About everything. 
Everything that bothers me, worries me, keeps me up at night, scares me, makes me want to go back and relive somewhere else other than now.
People that are running so far from the truth my heart hurts and words don't do justice to the situations.
Relationships that are broken without answers.
Things that I'm truly thankful for. More than just a "thank you" but a gratitude.
For my marriage and my unborn children.
I want this verse to change me and the way that I view life and change.
I want this verse and my prayer life to change me. 
This is the kind of change I must embrace.

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