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Wrecked

Sunday, November 8, 2015

It's been a long time since I felt moved by something.
While I feel empathetic for people, and often find myself emotional about things that bother others, it's sadly been too long since my heart was really shaken.
This blog comes from a vulnerable place. Here's me being open, and wearing the shame I felt on my sleeve, confidently knowing that the truth sets us free.
I want to share what I saw in myself when I truly looked in the mirror this week.
I was in a leadership meeting at church this week when we were asked "who is it that is on your heart and mind that keeps you awake at night because the truth of knowing what will happen to them if they don't find Jesus stirs you to intercede for them?" We were then asked about names of "newer" people to our church....did we know them? If not, why?
Amen, or Ouch.
Never a comfortable subject.
It's not like this is the first time I've been in a meeting where this type of thing is discussed, but this time for me was different.
As I was sitting in the meeting, being reminded of the mission of our church and the true heart of who we want to be in reaching people, the Lord brought something to my mind clear as day.
A year ago for pastor appreciation Sunday, I received a card from a gentleman who was newer to our church at the time and the thoughtful message read:
"I know we have never talked in person, but thank you so much for all you do with your music each sunday, it has truly touched our family."
The real truth. A year has passed. Other than a passing hello, I'm not sure I ever exchanged any words with this gentleman. While he didn't come every week, he faithfully came more than not. I never cared enough to say anything more than hello.
As I sat in my chair, reminded of this thoughtful note I received a year ago, I felt completely wrecked.
I went home, and in having time to myself to process it all, I began to share with Andrew what was said at the meeting and I just began to cry when I shared about the letter the Lord reminded me of. 
I felt so disgusted with myself. I have been so incredibly guilty of just getting caught up in my own world, my routine, and I get so comfortable simply talking to the people I "know" that I have lost sight of what really matters.
People matter.
Lost people matter.
I asked the Lord that night to truly forgive me for being this way and for losing sight of what truly matters.
While I can't go back and undo certain things I regret, I have asked the Lord to continue to shake me, to wreck me, and to remind me of His heart for lost people.
While it might not be the natural thing for me to do in reaching out to others I don't know, even by simply introducing myself and saying hello, I want people to know they matter, they are seen, and they are loved by our Creator. 
I am no doubt a work in progress, as we all are, and my hope in sharing this confession tonight, is so that I will be reminded of the reality I experienced about where I have been. Instead of praying for other people to do the work, or to serve, I want to be used like never before.



The Harvest Is Plentiful, the Laborers Few
35 And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. 36 When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37 Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; 38 therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”
Matthew 9:35-38



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