It's funny how perspective can change everything.
It is without fail that with each new season comes new challenges, joys, hurts, and the unexpected. 
The Lord has been so gracious to me during this time.
In my humanness, I have fallen short so many times to see things for what they really are and to remember the big picture.
My flesh wrestles to 'be right', to be in charge, to make sense and logic of everything that comes my way, and I am learning, for my best interest, and for His glory, it can't be this way.
As I have continued to intentionally be mindful of these things, acknowledging and admitting my convictions, the Lord is bringing about change. 
Once again, we all know I don't do change well, but this has been different.
He is working in our home like never before. As we have continued to pray, to grow, and to dig deeper than we ever have, He continues to show His faithfulness.
In areas of my life where there is hurt, dealing with the unexpected, and struggling with my inability to make sense of situations and to accept that sometimes in life we will never have answers to some of our questions, He is bringing about healing and with everything thats been lost, He has proven that He provides exactly what is needed, when it is needed. 
The Lord has been close during times where it feels as though no one else can understand where I am, what I think and feel, and just where I'm at in this season of life. 
While I still wrestle and notice my old ways of viewing things, and at times in my heart having wrong motives, the Lord has slowly but surely been helping me to see everything through a different set of eyes, and this is changing me and molding me.
I've said it often, but being refined is never fun or easy, but theres beauty in the process.
The Lord knows certain voids that I have been feeling, and just as His word promises, He is close and He always provides just what we need. He has done just that.
He has been so faithful.
By no means do I have it all together. In fact, I deal with my convictions on a daily basis right now and often wonder if I will ever get it right, if I will ever get to a place where my thoughts and heart line up to be completely in tune with what the Lord is calling me to, and who He wants me to be.  But that's the beauty of it all. It's a process. This journey and relationship is all about becoming more like Him, and that doesn't happen over night, and I'm learning that its the process that makes me love Him more. 
I want my heart to love and see others as He does. I long for the desire to pray for those who have hurt me, with the right attitude, instead of simply doing so because I know its what I'm called to do. I want to see outside of myself. I have been reminded, in very real ways, that my ability to forgive others has to come from a place that is not dependent on being asked to forgive or to even hear an apology but instead to lavish grace on those that have hurt me because I am a product of grace that was lavished on me when I didn't and don't deserve it. That is a harsh reality for me right now. It is out of the overflow of Christ in me that makes this even possible. 
Truthfully, I haven't been all of that. But I want to be. I am working to be.  
He is changing my heart. He is giving me perspective. He is showing me that He has me exactly where He wants me, and even though it may not always be "happy" being content has so much more meaning, and my contentment is found only in Him. I am grateful for His grace. For His constant love. For His provision. For the truth in the word that says He will finish all that He has begun in me, and that even when I mess up, He is still working and moving to make me more like him. He truly is all that I need.




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