It's been awhile since I've written.
Life has a way of getting busy and things get in the way.
Since Eleanor was born, I feel like I've blinked and time just continues to fly.
I started a new job in October of last year, and getting adjusted and acclimated to that has been both a joy and challenge.
Working full time along with being a wife and momma consume just about every second that I have, so it's been challenging to find time for this outlet in my life.
Writing has always been a place where I find my own freedom. I have about 120 posts that have never been published on my blog, but the chance to sit and write it all out has always been freeing for me.
It's a piece of time for me, where I can look back and see/remember the places I've been, both the good and the bad and in it all I can see God's hand in each season of my story.
Whether anyone benefits from it or not, was never the intention for my writing to begin with, and in the past several months, I've been challenged to remember why I ever started writing. 
I've also had my own struggles in why I haven't been writing and I've taken some time to dig deep and search my own heart and my motives.
Maybe my life doesn't look like some of those whose writings I read, or whose instagrams I follow and think to myself  (here's real honesty) 'man they really have it all together.' or 'is there house ever a mess?' or 'is there ever a time they don't get to do what they want to do?' or 'I wish I got to go to the coffee shop and target 4-5 times a week, must be nice.'
Right or wrong, these are thoughts I struggle with.
Even with those people that I know and do life with personally.
But the truth lies here.
Comparison kills joy.
I don't live a picture perfect, or instagram/blog perfect life.
In fact, its the complete opposite.
I'm not the "stay at home, yoga pants wearing, go to chick-fil-A play date kinda mom." 
Sure I'd love to be, who wouldn't? But for this season, that is not where the Lord has me.
Let me be clear, to those of you who are, I have mad respect for the weight you bear in taking on this role in being home each and everyday with your precious babies- as I know, it too comes with its own challenges. I am simply trying to express where I am at and I don't stand in judgement of anyone on the other end.
The challenge of being a full time working Mom is something I'm not sure I see/hear much about, and I'm not sure the guilt and weight of that has ever been expressed from my perspective because let's be honest, there isn't much time to sit down and put it all on paper and secondly, the fear of being judged exists.
That being said, here I am.
It's been awhile, but I'm here.
It's rare in our home that the laundry is all folded and put away, or the bottles completely clean and put back in their place, or the toys in their boxes and all in their right places. In fact, in the last 14 months of my life since having Eleanor, I have begun to see and realize the beauty of saying "yes" more- to things that maybe weren't "planned" or to taking a spur of the moment trip to the park on a Tuesday night just because it's gorgeous outside instead of staying in and having a clean/put together house.  Andrew is part of what helps me to find this balance as he keeps perspective far better than I do, and he reminds me sometimes to just enjoy the little things in the midst of our crazy life. I'm thankful for his steadfast, unwavering love, I couldn't do this parenting thing without him. 
I'm learning to find j o y in the little things, and to make the most of the time I do have with my precious girl. It's been a growing season for me in many ways, and perspective continues to change me.
I have so much room to grow, and I know that, but I'm working everyday to do and be the mom and wife I am called to be.
Instead of comparing my life to others, I'm trying to remember as I read this week
"The grass may be greener on the other side, but we have to plow through the field we're in." 
(Mike Glenn)
I'm grateful for this season.
Even on the hard days.
I'm thankful for the opportunity to love Eleanor and to teach her how to walk in what God has for her as she watches me both succeed and stumble through my own journey in trying to be all God has for me each day.
 I hope in the realness she learns, that no matter what, God will absolutely be faithful to her if she trusts Him.
So here's to writing.
To finding my own freedom and for the reminder of God's faithfulness along the journey.
If you're reading, I hope you're encouraged in some way. 
Remember, you don't have to have it all together. None of us do. 
And from one Mom to another, You're not alone.
Here's a few pictures of times where there were more 
Yes's to the things that matter.














2 Comments

  1. Amazing post. As im rushing around painting and cleaning for a baby shower that my kids have planned, this hits home. Worrying about being judged on the appearance of my home to new visitors while i should just be enjoying my time with my loving, yes messy, kids. Thanks for the reminder. God has given us these blessings and sometimes we get too caught up in the day to day tasks. Hope E is better!

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  2. A recent struggle I have had, and I’m working hard to overcome are the NO’s that I have to say to others to make the YES’s for my hubby and kiddos become a reality. But let me just tell you, those YES’s are sooooo good for the soul!

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