Seasons of Life

I was thinking the other day...
It's funny that we try to control things and we stress ourselves out trying to fix situations
that we never had control of in the first place.
Seems ridiculous if you think about it like that.

Real.
I guess that's what I wanna be.
I know I can be a stubborn person at times. I don't consider myself to have control issues, but I have been questioning myself lately on my control issues with God and what he is doing around me and in my life. Why in the world can I not just let go and trust Him?
Am I scared? What is there to be afraid of? He's never let me down yet...
That doesn't mean there is no pain involved in change or circumstances that make no sense to me- but through all that- God has never asked me not to hurt, or to act like everything's okay, He asks me to be real and bring it to His throne confidently.
I'm wondering how long it is going to take me to learn this lesson.
I have a feeling it will be a life long lesson.

The other day, I watched the video from when EverPraise sang this past year.
As we sang my favorite song, and sang
"Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him. How I've proved him over and over. Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus, Oh for Grace to trust Him more"
I watched the passion I had when I sang that and just the belief in every word that I was singing.
It's proven true in the past in my life.
Why would it not prove true now?

I guess I admitted to myself it's because I don't want change.
Regardless of how I feel, what's going to happen, and whether I like it or not, God has literally shown me in multiple ways in the last couple of weeks that He is going to get His work done with or without me. I so want to be a part of this and in order to be what he needs me to be I have to let go of all that I think should be, and trust that He knows what is best.

"God is more concerned with our character than our comfort."

I have decided that I am going to not wait till I feel like going along with change, or until I feel like I understand what God is doing in my life, because if I wait to feel it....it might not ever happen.
I need to act and trust.
Isn't that what Faith is?!

I am almost embarrassed that I question God, but I realize that he is drawing me closer to Him during this time. If anything, I pray that when I look back on this season of my life, it will be another stepping stone in my journey where my faith was stretched. I am praying daily for the strength to step boldly into all that He has for me.

I am thankful for a God that is patient with me and that regardless of the season of life, His love is always there, no matter where I am at. He never leaves us and I find so much comfort in that.

I'll end with a line from a song that has played over and over in my mind in the last couple of weeks.

"I will give you what you need, in plenty or in poverty- forever always look to Me, and I will give you what you need. I will not take my love away."

I am resting in this promise.