When You think You've had Enough

Thursday, November 4, 2010

"Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn."

Ever wake up saying to yourself:
"I just have to make it through today?"

I personally feel like I have been living this way for the past couple of weeks.
It's been exhausting. The end of the semester is so close, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but yet it seems so far out of my reach. The pressure I feel with school and trying to get everything done and do my best is something I am overwhelmed with daily, but I try to just take it a day at a time. Traveling every weekend has been fun and something I love but it takes a toll on being tired throughout the week. On top of all of that my family had to go to South Carolina last weekend to be with my Grandfather to help him out during a very difficult time. It was not easy for any of us to watch him, as he was diagnosed with dementia, and to just see him slipping away in his mind at times. It was however a blessing to be there to sort through things for him and get him to a place where he can be cared for how he needs to be. You never realize how important life is, until you stop and think about that fact that it doesn't last forever.

I got back to school at the beginning of this week with a list of things to do that is a mile long.
I tend to be an emotional person, but I didn't show much emotion all weekend long with my family even when I felt like I could cry my eyes out.
I felt numb.
The other night when I was at school, I was getting ready to work on some of my homework and I knew I just needed to get away from school and clear my mind before I could do anything how it needed to be done.

I decided to take a drive.
The knot in my throat was huge.
The weight of what seemed like 1000 lbs seemed like it was riding on my shoulders.
Nothing I could say, or even try and write would explain how I felt.
Rarely am I at a loss for words to explain what I feel.

In total frustration, weariness, emptiness, and almost what seemed in my spirit, desperation I cried out to the Lord- "I just don't know."

This moment I found complete peace and satisfaction in the fact that the Lord knows everything about me. He knows my innermost thoughts. My heart. My desires. My pain.

I found myself in an empty parking lot weeping in the car. I began to tell the Lord everything I feel. My hurts, my worries, how tired I am, how weary I am with school, my fears and concerns about the future, pressures I feel, my prayers for people close to me, my frustrations with situations I am currently dealing with...complete honesty.

While it was nice to be honest and real and get it all out, it was almost as if in that moment I physically just wanted to be held, to feel that security. To hear
"Bethany, everything is going to be just fine. I'm here."
I almost wanted to cry out-" just get me out of this place right now I don't know how to deal with everything I feel."

I felt ridiculous to be honest, but it was real for me in that moment.

So, I got silent.

"Be Still, Bethany."

A sudden peace swept over me. I can't explain it to you except to say, the weight, the worries, the desperate feeling that I had inside of me, just disappeared.
While my hurt and things that I will have to grieve over don't just disappear,
I didn't feel like I was alone.
My battle of feeling that no one understands where I am at was suddenly something that I didn't think about because the Lord knows exactly where I am at right now.

I wish I could say that means all my stress, and hurts, and things went away. That is not true, but I have realized that even though I am so ready for this semester to be over, and for a break to be here: God shows up in my weakest moments.
When I can't do it anymore, and I am ready to quit- He steps in.

I was reminded of lyrics from one of my favorite songs that says this:
"His strength is perfect when our strength is gone. He'll carry us when we can't carry on, raised in his power, the weak become strong. His strength is perfect, His strength is perfect."

So if you are at a place in life where you feel like you just can't do it anymore.
You're at the end of your rope.
Hang on.
Grab a hold of the truth that tells us: 'I will never leave you nor forsake you'
Rest in the fact that he created your inmost being....He knows everything about you, and the Lord will not put us through anything that we cannot handle.

We may not be able to do it on our own, but in our weakest moments, He wants to show up and do great things that we never could have done on our own.

I challenge you as well as myself to allow the difficult moments in our lives, when you want to quit, to be moments where God steps in and does extraordinary things in and through us.

"Be still and know that I am God."

1 comment:

I love your comments!

Powered by Blogger.
Theme Designed By Hello Manhattan

Your copyright

Your own copyright