Standing Still

Monday, June 11, 2012

Whenever things get scary or in a place of uncertainty, my natural reaction is to run.
It's easier for me to deal with things if I can just run away. 
Fight or Flight- I'll run every time.
If it doesn't feel safe, I don't want any part in it.
This isn't courageous by any means. 
While physically I haven't been running from things, I have realized that in the last 6 months the Lord has been teaching me a lesson that is one in all honesty I would have rather just run from. 

There have been times where I have played the 'what if' game till I can't think anymore.
I have worried about more than anyone can probably come up with.
I have played worst case scenarios in my head.
I have chosen not to trust in the things I do know at times.
I have questioned God's plans.
I have wanted to run.
To just rush ahead & be at the next place I'm supposed to be.

As much as I fought this.
Waiting is exactly what the Lord had in mind for me.
To sit back. To be out of control. To learn patience. 
To take my humanness and show me just how out of control I really am.
To  just in time prove how big He really is.

While I still don't have all the answers and I am a week away from moving back home, and I still have no idea where I'm going to get a job as many doors have shut, waiting on the Lord is a little bit easier for me at this point than it was for me 6 months ago.

As I write this now, I can't keep from tearing up thinking about just how well God has placed the puzzle pieces together. 
All along, he knew every desire that I had and have.
He has shown me that He loves me even through the smallest of details.

This has not been a fun lesson to learn.
I actually felt like I was being drug through the mud the entire time. 
I learned about myself, and the reality of what completely trusting the Lord means.
While I am sure there will be many more opportunities to practice what I have learned,
I realize now more than ever that it isn't so much about saying that you trust the Lord one time
but instead to daily share your heart knowing full well that the Lord truly does have your best interest in mind. 
If you live like you believe it, it changes things. 

It has been quite an incredible journey the last year, and as there are many "lasts" for me this week, there are also new beginnings ahead of me. For every unknown, I  will remember just who has been with me this entire time. 

In my own way I feel like I am standing still this week.
I am internally preparing for what's ahead.
Even in the midst of the hurt and the unknowns I feel right now
I am confident in the faithful God that will be walking with me the entire time.

"Scars and struggles on the way, but with joy our hearts can say, 
never once did we ever walk alone. Carried by Your constant grace, held within 
Your perfect peace, never once did we ever walk alone.
 Never once did we ever walk alone, Never once did you leave us on our own.
 You are faithful, God You are faithful." 
(Never Once- Matt Redman)

1 comment:

  1. His faithfulness is what keeps us from falling off the ledge at times when life can seem so unbelievable shakey. You have grown so much and I stand in awe of all that God has woven together already. Our lives take perfect shape when we leave the molding and shaping to the one who made us in the first place. I love you.


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