Break Me

Thursday, August 2, 2012

My parents have been on vacation for 8 days now. 
It's been quiet in the house and some of the days seem really long.
Still no word on the jobs, waiting for phone calls that were supposed to happen a week ago have left me feeling like they'll never call.
Interviews that result in - we'll get back to you in 4 weeks, have left me feeling frustrated. 
It's been challenging. 

Tonight I found myself at home with not much to do. I decided to listen to a sermon from the church I attended in Nashville.
Little did I know it was just for me.

In thinking about where I'm at, while I know something, eventually, is going to work out and the plan will unfold how it is supposed to, right now I feel like I'm at the end of my rope with the way things are with the situation. I've found myself doubting who I am and struggling with my identity in Christ. 

This sermon talked about the fact that in life we are either about to be in the storm, we're in the storm, or we just got out of it.  That's just the way life is. 

He described exactly where I'm at- being in a place you never thought you'd be, where your plans didn't work out how you thought, and you have no idea what's going to happen or how it's going to work out.
He then asked this: 
So what do you do when you're at the end of your rope?

Maybe you'll find out that it's the strongest place that you've been.

I kept listening.

"My grace is sufficient
the place where you are most broken, is the the place you will find me the most
the place where you are most empty, is the place where you will know who I am
the place that you dread most, is the place you will know Me best
that's what I will do for you.
My grace is sufficient."

Maybe God isn't ready to take me out of the place I'm in, but instead wants to give me His grace, the essence of who He is in order for me to deal with where I'm at, moment by moment.

Instead of praying to get out of where I'm at, maybe I should start praying differently. To see the grace the Lord puts in my life each and everyday. To see the blessings in this waiting time. To realize that I don't have to get to God, but that He comes to me, right where I'm at.

Maybe just maybe, this is the place the Lord needs me in, at the end of my rope to be able to tell me who I really am. Possibly the strongest moment in my life, and this whole time I've thought that I'm at my weakest.

A break me prayer. Humbling to say the least and kind of scary.
But that's what I did tonight. 
Trusting God enough to just spill out my heart.
I don't know who I am.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know where to go.
I don't know how to fix this.

Realizing that at the end of my rope, it's just God & me.

So Lord show me who I am.
Call me by name & may Your power destroy the lies I hear in my head and the things I call myself.
Hold me close during this time.
May I rejoice in the truth that You are a God who will never let me go, who is sensitive enough to know exactly who I am and You will speak truth to me. 
Thanking you in advance for all that You are going to do.

Maybe you find yourself at the end of your rope too, will you be brave enough to pray a break me prayer? Maybe in the time you think your weakest, God wants to show you that you're at the strongest place you've ever been. 

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