Most times I find myself wanting to speed up time or to rewind and relive some of my favorite moments.
It's rare that I find myself content right where I'm at.
I'm a planner. Thinking ahead is what I do.
However, I've been convicted in my own heart about this issue.
It's much bigger than just my planning & mindset.
Let me try to explain my heart.

A transition period is what I feel like I am living in.
However this transition period as far as I know isn't a short time.
Taking on the challenge of graduate school has me planted here for the next 3 years working to make money and gain experience, while I am working on my Masters.
Super blessed with this opportunity, yet anxious to finish so I can get where in my mind "I want to be." 

At times I feel like I don't belong anywhere. 
My nitch doesn't exist right now.
I feel like I'm fumbling around to find my footing in the things I do daily as it is all new.
Time supposedly is my best friend.

I however wrestle with time quite often.
I never win though.
My questions of when is this gonna happen? What will this turn out to be like? When will I know? 
These questions I play over and over in my head.

Maybe I'm scared. Maybe the unknown doesn't feel safe.
Maybe satan knows this is how to get me everytime.
I've never been a risk taker.
But maybe, just maybe, this is the time I've been waiting for.

This week the Lord has been speaking to me through various ways.
Sunday morning I was reminded that in trusting that God has a plan for me, it means to walk each day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Even when the destination is uncertain, it's simply one step at a time, trusting, each day.
I fight this so much.  It goes against every part of my nature.

Tonight I was spending some quiet time and out of the blue lyrics to a song I haven't heard in literally years started playing through my head. I looked up the song and just listened.
A gentle whisper said quietly to me: I've been preparing you for this time, right now. 

"For such a time as this isn't it much to great a risk? I've never flown from the edge of a cliff, never walked on the water. What if I turn away, how will I know what I have missed? Have I waited all of my life for such a time as this? " 


Maybe I have waited all my life for this time.
Maybe everything-  every mistake, hurt, wrong turn, great decision, relationship, life changing event, countless amounts of tears, unbelievable victories, hours of counseling, everything that's been a part of my life up until this point was preparing me for this very moment.

So I'm praying. Seeking contentment & peace during this time.
and Yet never to become complacent. 

Truth is, maybe the fear of what God wants to do with me during this time has kept me from wanting to live in the moment but instead speed ahead or go back. 
Maybe I've been to busy to really see all that God has put right in front of me. 

I certainly don't have it all together.
But in the last two weeks of being real with God about exactly where I'm at
I'm finding more of the pieces are coming together than ever before.

I'm being refined. 
While it hurts, I'm thankful.

His timing is perfect.
This is exactly where I need to be.
And Maybe, just Maybe, this is what I've been waiting for.


"Sometimes the thrill of soaring 
has to begin with the fear of falling "







2 Comments

  1. Definitely, Maybe. God is sovereign over this season. He has a plan. Just enjoy the thrill of not having to worry... walk alongside God and seek out his blessings. Focusing on the gifts he presents to us daily makes this life so much more enjoyable. He wants you to enjoy it so take Him up on His offer! Love you, friend

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  2. Refinement.... it's certainly not a comfortable process. A few months back, I decided to leave my parents' home in east Tennessee in hopes of finding a nursing position somewhere. After 2,500 miles and 15 separate job applications later, I found (and still find) myself lost in a world I naively thought would have catered to a young, hardworking man like myself. For years, I thought that if I excelled academically - if I did better than my classmates - I would be in a better position to score the best available nursing jobs. I know now that these thoughts were and are wrong.

    Stripped of all pride, geographically and emotionally separated far from many of my past friends, I daily struggle with my current place in life - a place of transition. I feel like a rock climber who can't seem to break past a section of moss-covered grips, constantly slipping and sliding from the rock face. But, with each new attempt and corresponding fall, it constantly feels as if God is catching me and egging me on to try the ascent once more. "One more time, son. Don't give up on this climb."

    I don't know what will come of this place of transition. I don't know what will come of my next climb. But I do know that my Father is with me (and you too Bethany) and His spirit heals, strengthens, and encourages me daily. I look forward to the day when I can break past my failures, but, until that day comes, I will try to live in gratitude for this time of trial and trust that God has great plans for me here as well as the future.

    "Therefore, since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." - Romans 5:1-5

    Thank you for your friendship, Bethany. God bless.

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