Maybe I Should Say It Again

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

It's interesting how sometimes we can say something but we still don't live that way.
So maybe I need to say it again.
My previous blog mentions my struggle with fear and the fact that twice in the same week I heard about the Bibles' promises when it says "Fear Not."
I must not have heard it completely.

What do I mean? I'll tell you.
Tonight, I went to the Kairos worship service at Brentwood Baptist. Prayer time is one of my favorites at this church as it is sadly some of the only moments where I actually slow down long enough to think and be still. Tonight's prayer time started with- 
"Do you know what the most repeated phrase in the Bible is?"

My initial thought: you've got to be kidding me.
That's right, "Fear Not."
His prayer time then invited us to ask ourselves what are we afraid of. What had we done this day that was out of fear?  What was our fear causing us to do or not do? Had fear caused us to make poor choices? Then he invited us to ask ourselves who would we be if we weren't afraid? What kind of lives would we be living? What would be different?

The hardest part of the night.
He asked us to pray in faith like we were bold and confident, and to pray as if we were not afraid. 
What kind of prayers would we pray? What would God do with us? 

As I sat in a room with thousands of people, I felt so alone.
I began to cry.
In being real with myself and transparent on here, today I have felt defeated, insignificant, unworthy, afraid of failure, afraid of missing my call, afraid of not being good enough, afraid of being alone, afraid of losing people I love, and the list goes on and on and on.
When I began to name each of these fears out to the Lord, I felt pathetic.
Where does it all come from? Why do I feel so defeated today?

I realize that as Christians and those who walk in the light, the darkness will do whatever it can to stop us, and I know that today has been a battle within my heart. 
I began to speak truth to the lies.
I began to quote the scripture that says: "You are mine. I have called you by name..."

In praying in faith, I realize this is the hardest part for me, but something I so desire to do and be.
As I said before, I want to be changed by the word and on a night like tonight I needed the word to speak Life into me. 
To feel whole. To be held. To be in His presence.

I was reminded of one of my favorite chapters in the book "The Purpose Driven Life."
As he quoted this verse tonight, it was such a sweet reminder.
'Perfect love casts out fear'
As the Lord got my attention once again tonight, I felt impressed to share this thought as well.

It's in the moments where we feel alone, where time seems to be going so slow, and other times there aren't enough moments to get everything done, maybe the worries of what's next, of feeling pressed for time, of running from one thing to the next, of being scared of whats around the corner. 

we are constantly
running by our clocks....

From one minute, to the next....

it never stops....

sometimes we wonder how much longer? and other times we want it to just slow down....

Whatever it is....
Waiting, is hard.
But waiting on the Lord is what we are commanded to do.

Psalm 24:17 says:
"Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord."

I was challenged tonight, not only again about the call to live a bold confident life in Christ, not one of fear, but also to be patient in the time of waiting....

Are you waiting for something? Are you afraid of what's next? Will you pray in faith?
Will you call on the name of the Lord, and wait for Him?

He is a safe place.
He is our refuge.

"The name of the Lord is a stronger tower, the righteous run to it and they are safe."
Proverbs 18:10


  1. You hold my every moment.
    You calm my raging sea.
    You walk with me through fire.
    You heal all my disease.
    I trust in you, I trust in you.

    Those are the words that came to my mind this am when I read your blog the first time. Praying for the journey that you are on right now to be swift, but not so swift that the lessons that God is allowing you to learn will be ever lasting in your heart and mind, and when the you get down the road and look back, you will remember how He was your strength and peace.... and He will always be your peace, even when life can be a really scary place to exist.
    I love you and God loves you even more than I do.
    Unbelievable, but true.

  2. I absolutely love your blogs! I am so very thankful that I get to be a part of your life. I love you very much and am praying for you. :)


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