in recent days I have come to understand more about my heart.
sometimes this can be a good thing, and other times the realization of truth can hurt so bad.
i'm realizing with each passing day, that the process of refinement may not be glorious or pleasant,
but the fruit that is produced and the character that is being shaped is worth it.

i've also been praying for perspective. 
perspective that allows me to take a look at my life the way God sees it. 

in the midst of this current place in life, filled with business, constant coming and going, inconsistent schedules, and all the changes that life continues to bring, I realize my lack of control, my inability to express the depths of my heart,  my desire to be known and understood, and my desperate need for  a Savior. 

while i feel uncertainty in plans for the future and all that it entails, weariness in playing the what if game and comparison game, automated answers when asked the same questions over and over, I have found a new confidence.

a confidence i haven't had in awhile.

 "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.  Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
Hebrews 4:15-16

my dear friend reminded me of this verse this week. 
and oh how it spoke to my heart.

regardless of circumstances, unknowns, questions, mundane day to day things, excitement of new opportunities, and the hard work it takes to get to the next place, i have gained a confidence in bringing my heart, my needs, my hurts, my desires, my praise, my secrets, and my hopes, before the throne.

each and every time without fail, my Savior meets me here.

my desire to be known is filled.
my longing to be understood is satisfied.

it's pretty cool to look back and see His faithfulness in a different light.
He's been showing me His faithfulness up to this point but also showing me the importance of a foundation.
what do i mean?

while this time in my life feels like one where I just come and go with school, work, and maintaining relationships, it can often feel like I am at a standstill, when in actuality, there is a purpose and reason for this time.  I am building a foundation in certain areas, building on foundations already established, and in the long run the strength and the solid ground i pray to have in my life with my work, my relationships, and my future home and all that it entails, is being established and built upon even now.


in the midst of my impatience, it is my prayer that the Lord would remind me of all that I hope for ahead, and that the foundation is the most important part. 

i know that some of the best things in life come from hard work, endurance, patience, and waiting.
i know that for all my heart longs for, and all that i am working towards, it will be just that. 

i'm thankful today for my Savior. 
for his ability to understand me because He's been where I'm at.
 He also knows what is best for me and in His time He will bring it all to fruition.

in the midst of it all, He gives me just what I need to keep going.
one day at a time.





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