Looking Back

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Almost two years ago I made one of the hardest decisions I've ever made.
Ending a relationship and trusting God with everything in front of me.
Scared to death doesn't even describe how I felt.
Lost. Confused. Running. Broken. Needy. Unsettled. 
This was me.

The other night I had this thought in my head to just get on the Kairos site and check out their old sermons. I found just what I was looking for.
 Feb 1, 2011.
As I listened back to this sermon, I can remember everything I was thinking.
I can also remember praying Lord please confirm to me what you want from me.
Mike Glenn began to talk about being lost. . . . 
and how Jesus says wait right there I'll come to you.
Suddenly we aren't alone or lost anymore, and yet we're in the same place we we're at.
He then made a reference to a movie and said " I love it when a plan comes together"
For every moment in our lives, each thing that doesn't make sense, and every difficult circumstance that looks like it will never work out, there is a plan and a God who literally comes to us exactly where we are and helps us find ourselves and gives us grace and direction.

I know listening to that a second time was meant to happen.
I think it meant more the second time than it did the first.
If you have a few minutes, I encourage you to listen to the whole thing, and for the part I described here it's found in the final 10 minutes. 
I felt so blessed by this & at that point in time I had no idea just what God had for me.

Obedience isn't always easy but God has proven His promises to be true in my life.

I cried the other night just thinking about all that God has done for me in the last two years.
Not only did I find myself again, I feel like the Lord renewed a part of my heart that I felt would never exist again. To truly believe that God want's to give me the desires of my heart is something I felt like was a lie for so long.

I couldn't write this blog without sharing one of the biggest parts of my heart and life.
Ever since I was a little girl I've dreamed of loving big and hard, walking beside my best friend through any and everything, being pushed to be a better person as well as doing the same for my other half, reaching for the stars and going big, having fun and enjoying the little things in life, trusting someone enough to tell them your deepest fears and secrets, having someone to celebrate with even over the smallest joys, someone to chase all that God has for our lives together....
my list really does go on and on. 

One of the biggest ways God has shown His grace in my life is through Andrew.
I've said it before, but I've felt so overwhelmed with God's goodness to me through him in the past several weeks.

Its the simple things.
Fishing with Andrew and learning (attempting to learn) all the ins and outs. The patience he has is incredible, but doing something he loves together makes me happy.
Car rides that are full of meaningful conversation at times and some just silly. 
5 years later and we can still talk for hours. 
Having the privilege of working at the same place during this season of life has been different, but such a joy. Hearing how many people love him and think he is wonderful gives me the chance to sit back, smile, and agree wholeheartedly with them. 

And the bigger things.
His love and support as I have started my Master's program and a new nursing job is one I cannot say thank you enough for. I am not always the easiest person to be around but his belief in me is one I've prayed for since I was little.
Having the opportunity to support him as he's about to go after one of his dreams with Paramedic school. If I've ever believed in anyone, it's him. 
His work ethic and selflessness makes me want to be a better person.
Someone who's dreams and desires match mine. I never believed someone would share certain parts of my heart. God knew exactly what He was doing. 
Growing together. It's exciting to see how far God has brought us, how much we have grown together, and I can't wait for all that's ahead.

He's everything I've prayed for.
He's the love of my life.
He's my best friend.
He's my heart.

Thank you Lord for Your faithfulness and Grace in my life. 

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